Someone Out There Loves You (Adopted by Frank Iero)

65

ALEXA

My anxiety was through the fucking roof when Frank picked me up from school on Wednesday. He must've been able to tell, because the moment I got into the car he put his hand gently on my arm and said "relax."

His touch and soothing voice helped ground me a little, but I couldn't stop my brain from running on tangents and creating scenarios for how tonight was going to go. This was a big deal for Frank. I couldn't mess it up.

When he asked me what specifically I was worried about, I spluttered out something about Jamia not liking me, to which Frank sighed and pulled me in for a side hug across the seats as we were stopped at a red light. He kissed the top of my head and rubbed my shoulder and told me she would love me - he was sure about that.

For the rest of the drive home, Frank rested his hand lightly on top of my own, driving with one hand on top of the steering wheel. I tried to get myself to believe him but I just couldn't. I had been so excited about the idea of meeting Jamia until a time was actually arranged. Now I was plagued by fear.

The worst part about that was I wasn't going to be the person I normally was around Frank, making anything he would have told her about me seem like a lie. I wasn't going to be fun and giggly and chatty, I was going to be anxious and over-polite and falling into old ways I had to act around my biological parents' friends. It was different when I met the guys because I already knew of them, I had watched countless interviews and performances online before meeting them so I had an idea on who they were as people. I was going in blind with Jamia. I knew Frank loved her with his entire heart and he spoke very fondly of her, but that was all I had to go off. I knew he wouldn't surround himself with bad people and he wouldn't put me in a situation where I wasn't safe, but then the fact that she loved him with all her heart meant that she would want what was best for him, and I always worried that I only dragged him down.

I suppose the root of my fear was I knew how much it meant to Frank and how important she was to him and I didn't want to be the one who was responsible for ruining it. I also suppose it didn't help that fear was drilled into me when my biological parents had guests over. My roles there were always stay hidden in your bedroom or be the servant. There would usually be some other things involved that started when I got older, and while I knew it wouldn't be anything like that tonight, the overall fear of meeting someone new was still there.

Still feeling inadequate about my midterm grades wasn't helping. Frank didn't do what my biological father did in any way, shape or form. He didn't hang my report card up on the fridge so he could hit me every time I was in the kitchen and so was he, pointing at it and degrading me. He didn't punish me in any way for not having perfect grades. All Frank did was praise me for my effort and getting through it, hug me, and - just as Gerard said he would - use it as an excuse to get takeaway for dinner.

Still, I wanted to be better than that. I needed to redeem myself tonight as worthy of being Frank's daughter.

I pulled on my shirt as I studied my appearance in the mirror, biting my lip anxiously.

"Hey, dad?" I called out, hoping he would be able to hear me from his room.

"Yeah?" I heard him yell.

"I don't know what to wear!"

Frank's footsteps grew in volume as he approached my room. He took a couple of steps inside and placed one hand on his hip, head tilted to the side as he looked at my current outfit. "What's wrong with that?"

I suppose he had a point. He was just wearing black jeans and his Black Flag tee. It wasn't anything fancy so my outfit was fitting with the occasion, it just didn't feel good enough. Or maybe it was more that I didn't feel good enough.