Your Grace - Burak Çelik

CHAPTER 10

"Please."

Ayedah nodded, and shifted closer to him. "I'll stay, don't worry," she said. "I won't leave you." Burak sighed and relaxed his body, closing his eyes as he leant against the trailer, his chest heaving slightly with the deep breaths he was inhaling and exhaling. Ayedah shifted into a position where she was sitting next to him- though not too close as to not make him feel claustrophobic- and sat against the trailer too. There was a painful silence that rang through the air for a good few minutes, and the only thing Ayedah could hear was the sound of his breathing...it was oddly comforting, and she found herself relaxing to it.

"I'm sorry," said Burak quietly, breaking the silence. Ayedah turned to him, a confused look on her face. "Why are you sorry?" she asked. "For uh...this," he said, looking embarrassed. "I uhm...er..." He didn't seem to know what to say, but Ayedah saved him from needing to explain himself. "I've seen a panic attack before," she said softly, grabbing his attention. "Well...experienced it myself." Burak edged closer to her, his eyes boring into hers. "You have?" he asked. "Yes," said Ayedah, a melancholy smile on her face. "Just once, though. When I was sixteen years old." She snuck a look at him, and read the expression on his face- he seemed to want to know more, and to keep his mind off whatever had been causing him stress and anxiety, she continued.

"It was the end of the school holiday, and I was to start a new term the next day," she narrated. "And well...I hated my school. And to be frank, my school hated me..." She gave a somewhat bitter chuckle. "So I was really anxious that night, and experienced a panic attack. But at that time, I had no one to help me out. No one was going to come and comfort me, I was alone in my bedroom at around 10 PM...so I decided to learn about how to deal with one, so I could help myself again if needed- and even though it never happened to me again, it came in handy to help you." She smiled at him, but at the look on her face, quickly added, "If that is what that was- a, er...panic attack. I mean, maybe it was-"

"It was," Burak interrupted. "It happens sometimes...since I got divorced." Ayedah's eyes widened. "You're divorced?" she asked. She blushed slightly at her tone and immediately apologized. "S-sorry, I just...I didn't know. I thought you were just unmarried." Burak chuckled. "It's alright, many of the cast don't know anyway," he said. "But yes, I'm divorced. As of about six years now." Ayedah's mouth formed an 'O' shape as she nodded her head. "So is your divorce related to whatever triggered this particular panic attack?" she asked. "Uhm- but you don't have to tell me, of course...sorry for butting in." "You're not butting in at all, Yazar Hanim," said Burak softly, making Ayedah smile, and she didn't reproach him for her nickname this time. "But yes, it is."

"How so?" asked Ayedah. "Well, she got married recently," said Burak with a bitter laugh. "Aysenur, my ex." "Did she now?" "Yes." Ayedah nodded her head again, interested but sorry for Burak. "How did that make you feel?" she asked, knowing that it would be good if Burak could let it out if he was comfortable. "Well...sad," said Burak honestly, hesitating slightly at first. "You see...it was a rough marriage overall. We married at twenty-one. I was head-over-heels for her, believed I loved her, and that she loved me. We were just kids, trying to figure out what love really was. She was a fellow model, so we had known each other for a while, and decided to take it further.

"We got married in 2013, and for a while, everything seemed perfect. She was beautiful, and damn, I loved her. I wanted to give her everything and anything, that was how much I loved her."

Ayedah smiled at the tenderness on his face, before it disappeared into a look of sorrow.

"But that was before everything started going wrong," he said with a sigh. "She began asking for too much from me, and she spent so much of my money- and not even a bit of her own. It was putting a strain on our finances, and how I was managing the household as well as the money I needed for my family to ease their burden. In the beginning, it wasn't a problem because I loved her so much, I just wanted to see her happy. But none of it was enough for her, she barely used anything she bought and had none or little appreciation for what I had bought her and gifted her.