Worse for Better- Book #1 in the WF Series

Chapter 40: Walk

♡  Alaiya's POV:  ♡

One missed call from an unknown number rather than Ivy and Eldon is displayed, so I call it back and the person answers immediately since it says they called a couple of seconds ago.

"Hello," I say as I hold it up to my ear.

"Do you know how much you took from me, and now you can't even answer my calls." I recognize my mom's voice immediately as it yells at me through the speaker.

Like I said, she's called me before with some said words that I choose not to repeat, though, that doesn't mean what she says doesn't still make me feel like a piece of trash.

"I didn't mean to-," I begin to apologize which I've tried to each time while feeling the guilt take over me, but she silences me.

"You know, forget killing yourself, you make me want to kill myself," she spits seriously.

Right as I hear those words, my heart breaks and shatters on the floor into a million little pieces because of how literal she sounded.

She wants to hurt herself?
Because of me?
She wouldn't do that, right?

The thought of her even getting a little hurt makes me want to cry, but her purposely doing it because of me is a different kind of pain that I would never be able to get past. I didn't mean to make her feel like that. I know what it's like to want to end your life, and even after all she's done, her feeling that kind of pain especially due to me damages my soul more than I thought anyone would be able to do.

"Mom please don't say that," I plead, trying to keep my voice from cracking but it still does.

"You deserve it. You deserve to feel the pain of losing someone like you made me lose your father," she screams at me.

Tears are falling from my eyes freely at what she's saying because it's the truth. I did make her and my dad get separated.

I did that.
It's my fault.

"I'm sorry mom-," I begin again from the bottom of my broken and shattered heart, but again, she speaks over me.

"Go to hell," she cries before hanging up the phone without any say from me in it.

That was her third time calling and I haven't really dealt with the first two times properly. I cried, but I pushed past the moments and didn't pay enough attention as much as I should have. Now my attention's been grabbed, thrown, and broken like glass, as has the happiness I felt a couple of minutes ago with Roman.

This was a mistake. I shouldn't have come here because I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to be happy while my dad and ex-boyfriend have to sit in jail because of me. I don't deserve to be happy because I separated my mom from the one person she loves the most.

I don't deserve Roman.

I'm a horrible person.

I wipe the continuously falling sharp and painful tears coming out of my burning eyes as I try to decide on which thing to focus on that is being screamed at me in my head. That makes my headache even stronger while it's repeating what my mom said, only it feels like it's in a circular motion and much louder than how she was speaking.