Selfish pt.1 Pairings | Bucky Barnes x Reader, Steve Rogers x reader (kind of?) Warnings | angst, crying Word count | 1k Summary | Steve made a selfish choice, Bucky is there for comfort
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Steve Rogers was far from a selfish man.
Bucky had never thought of Steve as a selfish man; hell, the thought of his best pal even considering committing a selfish act hadn't even crossed his mind until now.
Sam waved with a small smile as Steve looked back at them one last time, but Bucky couldn't help but feel immense dread. How the hell was he going to tell y/n? What was he going to tell y/n?
The brunet barely registered Sam's hand on his lower back, guiding him to the van they'd taken there. The red veins tangling amongst his eyes pulled at the tears like ropes, pulling and pulling and pulling and pulling and-
Bucky took a deep breath, titling his head back to stop the drops from sliding down his cheeks. He swiped at his eyes with the heals of his hands, before taking another large breath and pinching the bridge of his nose.
"You okay, man?" Sam frowned, concern tied amongst his worrisome frown as he leant forwards slightly to look at the Winter Soldier. Bucky snapped to it, his hands falling limply into his lap as he put on a smile.
"Yeah. Let's just go." Bucky sighed through a so-obviously fake smile. If Sam noticed, he didn't mention it, just nodded slowly before turning the keys in the ignition.
"Okay." The Falcon mumbled as he turned back to face the wheel, hands gripping it at ten and two as his foot pressed against the peddle.
When they reached the compound, Bucky took his time exiting the vehicle. It was almost as if he waited long enough, it wouldn't hurt as much. That wasn't the case; Bucky could already picture y/n's face - broken and red, red with tears, red with anger, red with shame.
What was he going to tell her? Bucky swallowed dryly, his throat like sandpaper as the action stung. He winced, but wether it was from that or what he was about to do, the super soldier couldn't tell.
His feet clunked heavily against the clean floors of the compound, boots weighing down on his feet like piles of bricks as he thudded through the corridor.
His eyes slid shut the second y/n came into view. He couldn't bare to see the hopeful glint in her eyes; couldn't bare to see his best friend's girl with her arms outstretched, ready to welcome steve home with a warm embrace and a soft kiss.
"Bucky?" Her small voice filled the hall like it was played through speakers, the small crack to her question when she asked, "where's Steve?" Echoed like a horrid melody, like one of those stupidly sad songs Sam made him listen to.
"Doll-" Bucky began, his eyes fluttering open. He shouldn't have done that. He hiccuped through a sob at the sight of her; y/n's hope was crushed, her eyes clouded with that looming dread, and her usually bright smile dropped into a scowl. "Steve- he's, uh, Steve gone." Bucky murmured.
When y/n sank to her knees Bucky couldn't blame her. Nor could he blame her when a shattered, broken sob that resembled more of a scream ripped through her chest. The tears glittering on her cheeks had no right to look so beautiful. It was as if her sadness was taunting him, plaguing Bucky's mind with the guilt that should've fallen on Steve.
When Bucky fell beside her, pulling y/n into his lap, she didn't protest. She simply relaxed into his embrace, arms wrapped around his neck and head buried against his firm chest. Her legs wrapped around his waist so tightly it was like she thought he'd leave her too if she didn't hold on as tight as she could.
Bucky's nose nudged into her hair, the wet splash of tears against his cheeks fading into the strands as he nuzzled against her. His grip was equally as strong, and it hurt - it hurt to be so close to her, hold her, smell her. She smelt like Steve. She reminded him of Steve.
But he disregarded one pain for another, and whilst holding her brought back the pain of Steve, it soothed the ache of loneliness his best pal left in his wake.
"I know. I'm so sorry doll, but he's gone. He's gone." Y/n could hear bucky speaking but it was as if he was underwater; the words blurred into one incoherent mumble the moment they touched her ears.
He didn't need to tell her the whole truth. He couldn't tell her the whole truth. Y/n was so broken and all he'd said so far was the Steve is gone. Bucky couldn't imagine what the poor, undeserving girl would be like if he told her that Steve left her to relive his life with a girl he kissed once 70 years ago?
Just thinking about the situation made Bucky pity her. It made him feel guilty that he did nothing to stop Steve. But then, how could he have known Steve would do something so selfish?
Bucky could see how Steve deserved to be a little selfish after nearly 100 years of being selfless, only ever doing things for others. He just never expected that his oldest friend would return to a girl he loved in his past and abandon the girl he loved now. And that he'd leave Bucky.
That was what made Bucky's heart break, made his own tears fall. After all they'd been through, from him saving Steve in the playground when they were kids, to going on double dates and more saving, to joining the army and Steve getting the serum. Then came the bad patch, HYDRA and SHIELD, the Winter Soldier, the Sokovia accords, Bucky going back on ice and even Thanos. The whole time, they fought for each other, cared for each other.
It stung, really, that Steve had chosen a dame he kissed once over his best friend for nearly a century. It was like a punch to the face. The following back-hand was that he'd also left his girl behind, the girl that was now wrapped around Bucky like a koala and sobbing violently against his chest.
