Sunflower | h.s

53

Harry Styles

Waking up with her was always nice. It had a sense of belonging surrounding it, almost like all the stars have aligned perfectly meaning I was meant to have this moment with her. As her head lay elegantly in the crease of my arm and all her facial features relax.

I was selfish for the sight.

Everything about her I just wanted for myself. Call me selfish or greedy and what not. But if you were in my position, you'd be a fool not to want the galaxy her freckles form on her cheeks and nose while the rest of the stars are in her eyes. You'd be hopelessly lost if you didn't want to have the sweet serene sounds of her soft humming breath coast through your ears every morning.

And you'd be out of your mind to not want to know the way hers works. Her mind works like no other, it's almost as if it works for other people more than herself. She's a people pleaser, she thinks for others before even beginning to fathom herself in her thoughts.

The suns illumines emphasise every feature about her and not one of them I ever wanted a shadow to fall upon. Everything about her makes me fall in love with her all over again.

And I would do it all over again if I could. When I was younger, people always used to say to me 'you'll know when it happens.' And for years I dreamt about what it would feel like to just 'happen' to fall for somebody. I tried to imagine how full your heart could become all at once and how many thoughts run throughout your mind. People spoke about it as if the head and heart weren't connected in the scenario and that falling in love occurred entirely beyond their control.

But they were wrong.
Every single one of them were utterly wrong.

Falling in love isn't something that just "happens." You don't just 'happen' to find the person your heart fits with. It's a choice more of anything, even if you could call it that. You feel it so deeply in your veins that it feels like it was rooted their all along and it just waited to bloom for the right person.

Falling in love is an adrenaline rush, it doesn't all happen at once. Every day. Every waking day something new happens and every day I fall in love with Aaliyah all over again. Falling in love is being able to recognise that the person you just 'happen' to be with is there through your choices and actions. And it's the art of being able to say 'I chose you.'

And in any lifetime.
I would chose her.

I'd chose the way her hair falls over her honey gold skin, I'd chose the way she looks at the things she loves, I'd chose the way she gets excited about every little thing. I'd chose it all, and I wouldn't change anything.

I shift myself down back under the covers into the bed to see the cross necklace lying on the bed, still attached to her neck. I smile lightly to myself and take it gently between my fingers so I don't wake her up. I feel myself smile at the thought of the necklace that used to be my mums, then became mine is now sitting contently on her skin.

It was the moments like these she helped me realise are worth saving. Every sweet serene sound of the slight whistle that come of of her calming breaths while her facial features relax, knowing her mind is elsewhere. Something about it just brought me so much peace.

I've learnt so much over the months I've known her. So much it's felt like years. She's taught me so much and she's so blind sided to the fact everything I am today is because of her. I can say with great certainty that I had zero idea as to what love was like. I had no clue as to how it made you feel until my mind started what felt like running errands and my heart is skipped beats.

I had no idea what love was until she taught me what love was not.

She helped me realise it's not all the big things, it's the little parts of life. Everything about it. I cant help but feel wrapped around her finger, but I don't want to let go. Ever. It feels as though any time I'm near her I just know her. Almost as if we are the same in a way.