Watchlist [H.S]

00

I spy with my little eye...

Gadgets, Missions, Data, Black clothing, Friendship, Trust, Lust, Adrenaline, Lies, Violence, Conflict, Manipulation, Danger.

I spy, a life filled with thrill and suspense.

I spy, an environment so dangerous it's safe.

I spy, broken people, broken promises, broken hearts, broken lives.

I spy, a stranger staring back at me.

Our job is dangerous, but that's the thrill of it right?

The feeling of waking up each morning, not knowing what's expected of you for the day - not knowing if you'll live to see tomorrow.

It's a deadly thrill. It's the kind of feeling you chase because of that natural high it gives you when things go to plan, when the relieved adrenaline pumps through your veins and you feel on top of the world.

But along with that comes the crippling anxiety and panic that things will flip, and the odds will not be in your favour.

You get caught; you die.

It's simple but quite possibly the most daunting phrase because there are no exceptions. It's cutthroat and one wrong move could leave you chained to a chair, being tortured for days, wanting nothing more than to be put out of your internal and external misery.

Both positives and negatives of this job contribute to most of our mentalities. Our minds are twisted - there's no denying that, but we're the good guys.

Right?

We stop the bad guys, we have morality, we have dignity, we have integrity. Therefore, we are the good guys... we have to be.

We don't have evil intentions, and yet we commit to vulgar acts and call it 'business'. We stop the bad guys but along the way turn into the bad guys ourselves.

Our job is complicated... it involves the majority of agents to go against their morals and values because if they don't, they get punished. And whether that punishment is severe or not, it's mentally damaging - it changes a person.

Trust me... I would know, so would anyone else.

We've seen things we never wanted to see, heard things we never wanted to hear, felt things we never wanted to feel. The job comes first, because even if the journey is violent and immoral, the destination is usually what we hoped and what we're willingly risking ourselves for.

The chaos that occurs in our world is something we keep hidden from the rest of society because what we know isn't information that should be shared.

It's one thing to live this type of life, but it's another when you become so comfortable with it, when it all becomes normal. Blood, manipulation, pleading, rational crime are all things that bring us a sense of twisted familiarity.

I spy with my little eye... peaceful chaos.