Strong [A Barson Fan Fic]

- 36 -

"Do you really want a baby? Or do you just want one to see if it will help fix our marriage?" Rafael asked softly as he reached out and pushed some of Olivia's hair behind her ear.

"I want a baby, Rafa... I guess asking at this point in our marriage wasn't wise. I'm sorry for even asking. We really need to get to bed, and I think I am going to crash in Ezra's room with him. He's still small and loves when I cuddle him, so I should enjoy it while I can." Olivia whimpered. She was really starting to feel as low as she did before meeting Rafael, but this time she was with Rafael and feeling as scared as before.

Olivia quickly made her way to the door, but once again her husband stopped her. He grabbed her hips and pulled her close as she started to cry.

"I think that we should focus on our marriage for a bit longer before starting to try for a baby. Maybe like a weekly date night so we can get back to being in love. Like when we used to kiss all the time and make love more than we are doing right now. I want you to want to come home and spend time with me and Ezra. Not just him."

"O-okay... I'm so sorry, Rafael." Olivia sniffled as she turned around and looked at her husband.

"Don't apologize, Liv. It'll take us some time, but we will get back to the point where we can make another baby. One that will be coming into our lives because we were ready and wanted it, not just because."

///

They settled on therapy. So once a week, for two hours, Olivia and Rafael went to couple's therapy. Ezra stayed with Catalina and Lucia, so when they got home they had more time to talk about what they had discussed with their therapist.

"I'm beyond exhausted after tonight's session." Olivia yawned as she and her husband walked into the kitchen.

"Me too. I guess talking about your ex didn't help."

"Rafael, I'm so sorry that I have such a messy past. That I dragged you into it." Olivia frowned. She leaned against the counter as her husband looked at her.

"Don't apologize, babe. I get that your past is messy, and I knew about that long before we got married. Long before all of these problems started. It made you stronger, so I don't mind."

"I'm kinda embarrassed of my past... like one of the main reasons why I left home was because I wanted a baby and my mother didn't think I'd be a good mom. That I'd have to pay someone to sleep with me... it's embarrassing because I wasn't ready to be a mom, even if I was so excited to be having Ezra." Olivia frowned.

"We have been going to therapy for a month now, do you think you are ready?"

"Ready for what?" Olivia asked.

"Well, are you more ready to be a mother now than you had been when expecting Ez?" Rafael asked. Olivia's eyes went wide as she stared at her husband.

"Well, we both have stable jobs and I feel like we understand each other more after we started therapy. And we are married. I feel like we are in a better place than we would have been a month ago if we started trying." Olivia replied softly.

"Then maybe it's time that we start trying at least."

"Rafael, are you certain? Because we both could probably fall asleep right now, so this might be the need for sleep talking." Olivia breathed.

"Okay, we don't have to start right now. But let's just say it's on the table. Okay?"

"Okay."

///

They kept talking about trying for a baby, but never did start. Olivia got really busy at work, since the holidays were some of the busiest times for crimes to happen. Especially domestic violence calls.

Christmas past, along with New Year. Olivia continued to pull long hours until she finally made it to her birthday, when she got a week off for the first time since joining the force.

"It is incredibly weird to have time off." Olivia spoke as she came back into the house after getting Ezra onto the bus.

"I know. I'm glad that Adam approved my time off so I could spend this week with you." Rafael smiled as he picked up Ezra's toys and tucked them into his toy box.

"What do we have planned? Because I think we need to figure out a good start to my twenty-fifth year on Earth." Olivia sighed.

"I was thinking that maybe we could... you know." Rafael grinned, as he winked at his wife. Olivia blushed a bit before nodding.

"Yeah, I think it is definitely time." Olivia replied, and Rafael nodded.

"Okay, so where do we start? I have never made a baby with someone before." Rafael laughed. He was nervous, and it was very clear to his wife.

"It's not like you have to put in an extra move or something to make a baby. It just happens. Don't use a condom, and we will just keep trying until the test comes back positive. At least this time I won't be scared to death, because at least you are my husband and actually want a baby with me." Olivia replied.

"What if it never happens?" Rafael breathed.

"Huh?"

"Well, what if I end up having faulty sperm? Like, what if they don't swim right and we-"

"Rafael Barba, I need you to relax. I need you to just take a breath and I'll guide you along the way. Okay?"

"Okay." Rafael nodded slowly.

Olivia led her husband upstairs and into their bedroom. They had made love before, but this time it was different. This time they had a real reason to, instead of just because. They wanted a baby, and Olivia was praying quietly that it would happen the first time so her husband doesn't fall down a rabbit hole of what-ifs. So they could make Ezra a big brother and give Catalina and Lucia another grandchild to spoil rotten.

To make them feel like a complete family.