Strong [A Barson Fan Fic]

- 43 -

Rafael stayed as long as he could before heading back to his wife's room. He had no new information on Benjamin, and he knew that not knowing was killing himself and his wife.

"Hey, baby. Did you finally get that shower you wanted?" Rafael asked as he forced a smile.

"I did... I feel a little more relaxed... but should I be? How's our baby?" Olivia replied.

"They had no new information for me. I stayed around for as long as a nurse would let me, and then I got sent back down here. Ma is coming to be with us, so that should help."

"Did I do something to him?" Olivia asked weakly.

"What? Babe, you did nothing to harm our kid. It isn't your fault." Rafael was quick to speak. He walked to his wife and sank down beside her before pulling her close.

He peppered her hair with kisses as Olivia zoned out numbly.

"All I can think about is that maybe I was in labor too long and I hurt him. Or that I didn't do everything I could to bring him into the world... maybe I have an infection and I don't know about it. I could have passed it to him." Olivia rambled.

"You couldn't control this. You didn't know that Benjamin was going to be sick, and I didn't either. We can't beat ourselves up over this."

"I don't think that I can move forward if we lose him. Our first and probably only biological baby together, and he will not make it." Olivia huffed before shoving her husband away. Rafael slipped from the bed before looking at his wife.

"Benny isn't dying, Olivia. And this might just be a fluke. He could pink up and be completely healthy in a few hours. He won't be our last child because I am determined to give you that baby girl that not only you want, but I do, too. So don't give up before there is a reason to give up."

///

Lucia arrived at the hospital and didn't find her son in Olivia's room. She sat and prayed with her beloved daughter-in-law for a while before heading to find her son. She found Rafael sitting outside of the NICU with his head hung and tears pouring down his cheeks.

"Rafa?" Lucia asked, and her son looked at her without even trying to pretend that he wasn't crying.

"They just took Benny down to the OR to re-inflate his collapsed lung. They said that they don't know what is causing his problems, but he is incredibly sick." Rafael sniffled.

"Honey." Lucia frowned.

"Ma, Olivia is already giving up and I don't know how she can do that! How can she be giving up on our son and he's barely five hours old?!" Rafael huffed.

"Don't get mean with me, Rafael. I refuse to let you treat me like crap right now. I know that you are angry, sad, and scared... but I am still your mother. Also, don't get angry with Olivia. She's beating herself up because she was the one carrying Ben and she was also the one to give birth to him. She thinks that this is her fault, and it's our job to reassure her and help her realize that it isn't."

"What about me? Why do I have to be the strong one right now? That's my son we are talking about!"

"I'm not telling you to be the strong one! I'll be the strong one! Okay? Just don't hate her and be a dick to her right now!"

"I need air." Rafael spat before he turned quickly and walked to the elevator.

"Your son might enjoy seeing you! Go back to the apartment and see Ezra real quick!"

"Don't tell me what to do!"

///

When Rafael finally came back to the hospital after being MIA for a full day, he found Olivia in the NICU with Benny. She was holding him against her chest and caressing his thin brown hair.

"Where were you?" Lucia asked as she stood outside and watched as Olivia had skin to skin contact with her baby for the first time.

"It doesn't matter. How is Benjamin?" Rafael asked gruffly.

"He's stable enough for Olivia to hold him. The doctor told Olivia more about his state, but hasn't told me anything."

"Can I go in?" Rafael asked, and Lucia shrugged.

"Your wife is pretty pissed off at you. I would ask her if you are wanted before barging in there." Lucia replied.

"I needed space and to be by myself for a bit. But I came back, and I'd like to meet my son for the first official time."

"I guess that I'll go back home and see Ezra and your Abuela. Don't be a jerk, Rafa. In the end, Abuela and I might pick Olivia in a divorce." Lucia warned because she was sick and tired of her son's attitude. She knew he was scared and upset about everything happened, but he wasn't being her Rafa in the last several hours. He seemed way different.

Rafael walked into the NICU and was instructed to put on a gown, gloves, and a mask. Olivia was wearing a mask, but she was doing skin to skin contact and wasn't forced to wear the gown or gloves.

"Hey." Rafael breathed, and Olivia looked up at her husband and examined his face.

"How are you doing?" Olivia asked softly.

"Uh, I'm fine. How's Benny?"

"Benny is getting stronger. They said that what happened was like a freak accident. He is on oxygen but should be able to go home next week." Olivia smiled. Rafael could see actual happiness in her eyes when she smiled, and he couldn't help but smile back at her.

"I'm sorry for being a dick, Liv." Rafael whispered, as he squatted down beside the chair and gently caressed his son's hair.

"I'm sorry for being a crazy woman... I just didn't think this would happen."

"We were both assholes, so I guess we are even. Now, how does it feel to finally hold him?" Rafael grinned, and Olivia chuckled softly before looking back at her baby.

"It feels beyond amazing."