Learning To Love

chapter 4

I woke up to the quiet alarm of my phone, I could hear it buzzing against the desk. My ear up against the surface, picked up the vibration of the sound and it rung in my head. My eyes were dry and crusty, I slouched up off my desk and turned my phone off.

Groaning, I rubbed the tiredness out of my eyes. Looking at my desk, sun filling the room, I almost screamed. I grabbed the piece of paper, tearing it into a million pieces and threw them on the ground in a rushed panic.

What the hell was I thinking!
Leaving a drawing of him out on my desk like that! What if Robert came home? What if he saw? I was almost hyperventilating at the thought of him knowing, him finding out. I didn't want to think about what he would do to me, to Lucas....

I took a deep breath but it was more like a gasp for air. I pounded my chest with my fist, trying to help it not burn. I listened very carefully, my ears attentive to every single sound. If he came home last night, he would be knocked out all morning. He snored in his sleep and I could usually hear it.

But I heard nothing. I didn't let relief hit me yet, the chances that he stayed up on the couch, waiting for me to wake up weren't low. He could be sitting there, ready at any second for me to walk out and when I did. He would jump and attack. I had to escape, it wasn't a matter of finding out if he was home or not, becuase if he was, I couldn't take the chance of losing time to get out.

I quickly grabbed my work bag off the floor and turned the knob of my door so slowly, it didn't make a single sound or click. Every step was careful and deliberate. I thought through every placement of my feet, where they would make the least amount of sound against the wood.

When I was midway through the hall, my heart was about the loudest thing. I felt vulnerable. The dread was itching up my spine. The second I turned the corner and went for the front door, he would chase after me. I felt for my keys in my pocket. They were there. I had to be ready and I had to be fast. But most importantly, I had to stay in my body! I had to stay focused.

I took a silent full breath and as if my life depended on it, I leapt out the hall and ran for the door. I didn't bother to look around, or watch my surroundings. All that mattered was that I made it out the door. Running, I turned the corner and flew through the door. Sprinting full force on the gravel driveway in my socks towards my car. The stones were sharp and stabbed into my heels, sending ringlets of pain up my leg.

I jumped towards my car, unlocking it, and kicked the engine as soon as I was in. Locking the doors, I started backing out. When I looked back towards the road, I noticed the driveway was empty except for me. That didn't mean that someone couldn't have drove him home, or he got a cab becuase he was too wasted. He could still be in there, just finding out I left and ready to chase after me.

I pressed the door lock button a few more times to be a hundred percent sure they were all locked, and backed out of the driveway.

I raced down the streets faster than I should've, it still felt like I was running away, like the chase was on. There's a chance that there was never a chase to begin with. But I was wiser to believe that just becuase everything seemed okay, didn't mean it actually was.

I sat in the parking lot of the coffee shop for a while, catching my breath. My skin was cold, but I was sweating. My heart was still hammering and I knew it probably would be all day. I took a few deep, slow breaths, concentrating on the way my lungs filled and deflated.

It was 6:30am making me 30 minutes late. I shook my head in disappointment and left my car. As I walked in a few customers stood at the front counter waiting to be served, I could hear the girls hustling behind the counter.