Learning To Love

Chapter 34

When Ollie slept, I slept, when Ollie was awake, I was awake.

I was asleep most of the time. Only a few hours of the day was I awake. When Ollie's nurses brought him food and checked on him, when they tried to help him use the washroom but couldn't lift him.

I wouldn't leave his side for the entirety of his stay. I wouldn't let him be alone in this.

But something burned inside.

I wanted to do nothing but ask him. Ask him what happened. But instead of filling our time together with dread and arguing. I decided to fill it with love and support, something he will need in order to get better.

I will have to deal with the situation at hand, and leave the torment for later.

But it crawled up my spine, pinching every nerve, and then ripping my muscles under my skin as it sank back down, forgotten about. Until it would creep back up as vomit in my throat, that I would swallow before it could spew. It ate every part of me.

Who did this to you?

His dad burned in my eyes. Every detail of his mannerisms, his composer was imprinted in my mind.

I was too scared to make a move.
Not without Ollie's consent. I couldn't risk what would happen between us if I did something reckless.

If I did something Lucas would do.

"Lucas, can you help me sit up please, my back is so stiff from laying down." Ollie's fragile little voice whispered.

"Of course!" I got up from the chair and held him to my chest with one arm, while I rearranged the pillows with my other. Then softly, I laid him back down onto the pillows. He couldn't use his stomach muscles, they were injured, and pulling them could risk a difficult recovery.

"Thank you." His big brown eyes looked up at me, they were starting to look normal now, both his pupils and the darkness surrounding the skin was returning to their natural colours.

"Could you sit on the bed with me?" He patted the blankets next to him.

"I don't want to hurt you." I shook my head, turning to go back into my chair.

But his hand wrapped around my index finger.

"Please?" He whispered through his pale pink lips.

I sighed, and very slowly sat myself next to him. I didn't want to disturb his body and cause him any pain.

He smiled gently, barely.

"Ollie..." I started nervously, looking away from his eyes.

"One thing scared me more than anything, and it was the idea that you left without knowing something very important."

I finally looked at him.

"I love you." My lip trembled as I said it.

My heart was hammering, it hurt. It hurt to admit it, it hurt to be vulnerable.

What if he doesn't love me anymore?

A warm little smiled curled over his lips, his bruised brown eyes filled with warmth.

He took my hand in his and held it tightly.

"I love you too." He whispered.

Now, I couldn't look away from him. This wasn't the place or situation in which I'd imagined saying it. But it was better now than never at all, or before it's too late.