Learning To Love

chapter 13

Sun filled my room, making in glow. It would've been nice, but it made me feel dizzy. I was exhausted from staying up doing laundry and cleaning my room. I didn't realize now messy and neglected it was. It made me feel a little better looking at it, everything was perfectly tidy and smelled good.

I tried to get comfortable in my bed and fall back asleep, but my eyes wouldn't stay closed. I sighed, sitting up and tugging the hot sheets off me. The weather was starting to get a lot warmer, but we never put the AC on.

I looked over at my desk, checking to make sure the drawing wasn't on it. I knew I tore it up and threw it out, but I had to check to be sure.

I walked over to my bin and saw all the tiny pieces of paper. Good, I was 100 percent sure it was gone. After I fell asleep with a drawing on my desk, I was even more paranoid.

I didn't have work until Monday, giving me today, Friday and the weekend off. I should've been happy about it but, if I'm not with the group, I'm stuck here.

I wasn't sure what I was going to do with myself today, I didn't feel like leaving my room yet becuase I was too anxious to have to face Robert.

I checked my phone for the time, it was nine in the morning. I also noticed two missed calls, by Lucas.

My heart stopped in my chest for a moment. A rush of new and stifling anxiety burned through my veins, into my chest, and up my face.

I instantly thought about anything I could have done, anything he might be angry at me for. Did I mess up? Was he going to tell me he regretted it again?

I reluctantly called him back. The phone rang three times before he answered.

"Hey! Ollie buddy! I uh, I kinda need your help with something..." His voice had a hint of a chuckle, leaving me confused.

"W-what?" I asked, not knowing what to expect.

"Well, you know how your a nerd and everything. My AC broke in my apartment, and I was wondering if you could come by today and look at it. You know, if your not busy or anything." The biggest wave of relief hit me, like a beautiful wave of ocean water from the beach on a hot sunny day. Oh, sweet salt water relaxation!

He wanted me to come over today! Energy shot through me faster than any drugs did through any kind of needle.

"Yes! I mean- yeah, I can come by and take a look at it. What time?" I cleared my throat, trying not to bounce off the walls in excitement.

"Well, I don't wanna bug you but, the sooner the better. Its boiling in here." I could hear him panting over the phone and I chuckled.

"So, I guess now wouldn't be too early then would it?" I asked with my phone sandwhiched between my neck and shoulder, grabbing my wallet and keys.

"I mean if your just waking up, you know. Its not a big deal." I could hear him walking around his apartment.

"I'll see you in like, ten minutes." I grabbed my small tool bag from the closet and started heading towards the door.

"Okay awesome. See you."

"Ya, see you."

I hung up the phone, shoving it in my pocket. Rummaging through my dresser, trying to find something to wear, I could feel myself spiraling. I needed something presentable. I always looked like a dirt bag who hasn't washed in three years. Which was remotely close, except instead of three years it was usually three days. I pulled out a pair of baggy light wash jeans and a brown graphic T-shirt that had a design of old cars on it. After changing into fresh clothes,  cuffing my jeans at the bottom and tucking my shirt, I looked through my closet for a jacket to cover my arms with. I loved my tattoos, but I never thought that everyone else would hate them. Not the band, hell we're all covered. Everyone else frowned upon it, especially Robert.

I grabbed a black torn demon jacket And walked out the hall in a fast stride, sprinting to the bathroom. I looked into the mirror, my brown eyes were more like black, my face oily and my hair was a mess. I brushed my teeth for an extra few minutes than usual, since I've had such a hard time keeping up with my hygiene. I grabbed a comb from under the counter and ran it through my hair. It ripped and tore out tangles, tugging on my shoulder length brown hair.

Pulling it back in the usual bun I did, I rinsed some water on my face and left back out into the hall.

When I closed and locked the door behind me, I saw that Roberts car was gone. I wondered how long until he would be back.

On the drive to Lucas's, I was booming with excitement.

I wasn't excited for shallow reasons, even though I was madly in love with him and a part of me hoped we would kiss again.

I was happy that we were at least friends, that we were getting along again. I was just happy he was still in my life. Maybe, if today he tells me he doesn't want this to go anywhere, I would respect it and our friendship.

A part of me wondered though, why now? Why had he kissed me to begin with? Were we not so different after all? Had he been hiding his feelings for the entirety of this friendship too?

When I arrived to his apartment, I parked in the lot behind. His apartment was much smaller than Grayson's, but odly much newer. It was a four story building, but it was wide with big balconies.

I thought about if I had ever been to Lucas's apartment. I think one or two times to quickly grab something like beer or a jacket. But, never to sit and stay. I barely remembered what it looked like, but I remember it being very clean and empty.

Walking up the flight of stairs after I buzzed his room, I reached the fourth floor and walked down the hallway. It smelt of fresh carpet and the scent of paint never seemed to have left this place. I remembered the walls looking a little whiter, but now they look more eggshell. Maybe it was the warm lighting.

I tried to remember what room was his. I knew it was at the end of the hall and the last number was 7.

Ah, there it is, 107.

Standing In front of the door, small tool bag in hand, I took in a deep breath, practiced a smile and knocked three times.