Learning To Love

chapter 7

I slammed on the gas, flying down the long empty country roads.

How could he do this to me! Two years of friendship, just to be destroyed!

I gripped the steering wheel, wanting to rip it off. I wanted to tear this whole car apart. The car was going too fast, I felt it jolting out of control, every bump and rock threw me off centre. Stop signs passed me in a rush, on either side there was nothing but dark Bush and forest.

Something small leaped out onto the road, I swerved my car, hitting the brakes. The car spun and my tires seared against the pavement. Until finally I was at a full stop, my car horizontally blocking the road.

Eyes wide, hands gripping the wheel as if it were life or death, chest heaving, my body rigidly still.

I broke down sobbing, my hands starting to shake. I quickly put the car in park. I didn't care that I was in the middle of the road, I hoped someone would hit me.

I lost him.

I pounded my chest, letting years worth of pain and suffering out. Smashing my hands against the steering wheel in a fit of rage, my horn going off.

I was lost and alone. My stomach hurt, the kind of pain that makes dying sound like light work.

Taking a deep and easy breath, I tried to come back to my senses. But my throat felt parched, yearning for something it hadn't had in two years. I craved it. I could smell and taste it.

Tears burned further down my cheeks. I couldn't! I couldn't but I wanted to so bad! I started panicking, spiraling.

I lunged towards the passenger seat and grabbed my pack of smokes and lighter from the door.

My hand was shaking as I tried to light the cigarette. Inhaling the awful and toxic smoke, my muscles relaxed. I rested back in my chair, forgetting where I was for a moment. Only paying attention to the head rush. I fucking hated these things.

After a few moments of calming down, I took the car out of park and turned around.

What the fuck was I thinking driving that fast? I wasn't. I wasn't thinking in the slightest.

Forget him, forget all of them! I don't need them, I don't need anyone. I just want to be alone, to be somewhere far far away from this horrid life.

My hand hanging out of my window, trying to keep the smoke out of my car. The wind was freezing, it sent tingling shivers everywhere.

I just wanted to be alone.

***

I woke up to slamming on my door, my eyes having a difficult time opening. When the door opened, Robert storming in, I shot up out of bed.

"W-what?! What is it?" I could guess it must've been around five in the morning, no light peered into my room yet, but there was a slight blue haze.

"The money. Now." He growled and I sat there confused for a moment. Money?

Oh the rent!

But why would he want it now? I guess he lost a poker game and had to make sure he had enough money for beer.

"I don't have money on me right now, its early in the morning, the bank's aren't open." I groaned, my eyes barely open.

I felt a harsh pain across the right side of my face and my body froze. It tingled with a numbing sensation until it started to burn.