Learning To Love

chapter 46

I woke up the way I have so many mornings before, the sun blazing, birds chirping. The only difference was the agony I felt. It took all of my strength to rise up from my bed, sweat starting breaking down my back. I sat on the edge of my bed, panting.

"R-Robert!" I called, but my voice was so weak I'm sure he didn't hear me, if he was even here.

"Robert!" I cried, slowly trying to get up from my bed, balling up the sheet in my hands. I started coughing and wobbled unsteadily on my legs.

"I think I need medication," I whispered, feeling alone.

When I made it to my doorway, I was sweating.

"Robert!" I cried more desperately.

I need to call Lucas, where's my phone?

My head was spinning, with every step I took forward, it felt like I hadn't even moved an inch. I was gasping for air, until finally I reached the bathroom. My jaw dropped when I looked at the shelf for my pain killers.

No no no no!

I shuffled out of the hallway into the living room. I was biting my lip and had an arm clasped around my stomach.

Fuck!

He had it all in bags already, labelling them.

"Robert, I need that," my mouth was dry and raspy.

He looked up at me in disgust and continued anyway.

"You don't need it, you'll be fine," he said sternly. I swayed and leaned up against the wall, staring at the floor.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I groaned, feeling nauseous.

"You made me do this."

"If you weren't a drug addict like your mother, I wouldn't have to discipline you like this."

I didn't have the energy to fight back, but it made anger and guilt wash over me.

"Your little story was convincing enough?" he asked.

"Ya," I whispered, my head pressed against the wall, it was cold against my hot skin.

"No one would believe you anyway," my breath was coming out jagged. "You know what would happen if you told anyone anyway, don't you?" I looked at him from the corner of my eye.

"They'd separate us," his voice was low and dark. "Then who would you have?" My chest was heavy and tears started to well up in my eyes.

"You can't live without me, I'm all you have left."

I can't leave.

I have to push Lucas away, as far away as possible. If he figures it out, he'll take me away and then I'll have no one!

"Can I please just have some medicine," I begged, feeling faint.

"Don't provoke me Ollie!" He warned and I whimpered in pain.

It took an extreme amount of effort to turn around and walk back to my room. Every muscle in my body ached and I thought about texting Lucas, but I couldn't let him find out.

I don't want to push him away, it hurts. But I have to. Robert will hurt him if he keeps coming here. If Lucas finds out what really happened, he wouldn't let it go. He would interfere. He would take the last bit of family I have away from me.

It's for the best, I told myself.

I yelped in pain, trying to softly lay back down on my bed. Tears started to pour down my cheeks and before I knew it, I was back asleep.

A part of me hoped I wouldn't wake up.

When I did, Lucas's hand was on my forehead which was damp with sweat. Then he took it off and I felt weight lift off the side of my bed. I blinked my eyes open to see him walking out of my room.

"L-lucas?" I called out, so softly I'm sure he didn't hear. He briefly looked over his shoulder and continued down the hall. I rushed to try and sit up, my heart pounding.

"Where are you going?" I called out, bottling up any pain that tried to escape into my voice.

"Water." I heard him whisper and then he turned the corner out of my sight. I sighed in relief as I stared at the dark bathroom.

That was close.

He came back with a glass in his hand and sat back down beside me.

"You're burning up, do you feel okay?" I swallowed a scream of pain and smiled.

"Yeah, I guess I had a bad dream or something." He stared at me for a moment.

"How do your bandages feel?" He glanced down at my stomach, even though it was covered.

"I'm getting used to them by now," I couldn't laugh as I felt a tear welling up in my eye, so I faked a yawn to wipe it away.

"You've been taking your medication?" He asked with gravel in his voice.

"Um, yeah" I scrambled to remember what he had said to Robert but with no hope, couldn't remember it. "I had some this morning, not long ago." I hoped the lie would work. I felt a bead of sweat trickle down my ear, I itched it away.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He leaned in a little closer so I stared at his lips. To distract him, I licked mine.

"I feel pretty good right now.'' I whispered, my breath jagged, close to painting as I sat up in my bed, supporting my weight on my arm. It was going numb. I guessed my flirting worked because he let it go and kissed me on the forehead. I cringed at the thought of his lips being salty.

"How was your day?" I managed. He looked away and sighed.

"It's been okay." He looked back at me, but the steely gaze in his eye was gone. "It's hard not to be around you," his lips curled.

"Yeah," I breathed and laid back down, biting my lip to stop myself from making noise. I sighed in relief as the pain was at a low simmer with my stomach relaxed.

"Ollie..." He whispered and I closed my eyes.

"Yeah?"

It was silent for a long while.

"You make me a better person."

I opened my eyes and Lucas was staring down into his lap. "W-what?" I was shocked, I hadn't expected him to say anything like that.

When he turned to look at me, his eyes were glossy. "I've been alone, thinking, reflecting. I just-" he took a deep breath. "I know I'm not perfect and I know I can be really hurtful sometimes, but I don't mean to be." He wiped his eyes.

"I just want to be good enough for you."

Good enough for me? He wants to be good enough for me?

"I think you're perfect, Lucas." I said truthfully.

He smiled at me.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked as I bit my lip, stifling pain.

I glanced at the door and he seemed to understand. Quietly with light feet, he closed the door so softly, it barely clicked. He sat back down and the sun shone a warm, yellow light into my dark gloomy room.

He took in a deep breath and leaned down to my lips. Before he connected his to mine, he whispered "I'm in love with you Ollie McLain."