Learning To Love

chapter 16

Meeting Lucas in the kitchen, that was separated by the wall his television was hung up on, he looked through his fridge. Rummaging through containers with the clicking of glass.

"Are you angry with me?" I asked honestly.

It was odd. I hated confrontation, I couldn't stand arguing and I was scared of being truthful. But with Lucas, I didn't mind. Becuase he was always straight up and confrontational, he was brutally honest. It made me more comfortable around him in a certain way. Although sometimes these feeling got contradicted with other ones, like the whole being in love with him, hiding the abuse, so on and so forth.

"What?" His face twisted into a scolding look as he dug deeper into his fridge.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked again, a little more firmly.

He looked over at me, his pale skin turning rosey. He shook his head.

"No, it's fine." He stood back up straight and closed with fridge with unnecessary force.

"Hey, uh. Theres like nothing to eat here and I'm starving." He scratched his head, leaning up against the counter.

"Do you, like maybe want to get something to eat, or something?"

I stared at him in disbelief.

Was he, asking me out on a date, without asking me out on a date? Like his excuse of breaking his AC just to see me?

It was strange to see Lucas shy and passive, it was completely unlike him. Although, a greedy part of me enjoyed that I had that affect on him.

I smiled.

"Yeah sure, where do you want to go?" I checked to make sure my keys were in my pocket.

"I don't know, what are you in the mood for? I'm kinda feeling like pasta maybe?" He avoided looking at me completely, his cheeks blushing even further. It drove me crazy.

I walked up to him in a slow stride, when he noticed I was right in front of him, he finally looked up.

"If I wasn't mistaken, I'd think you were asking me out on a date?" I don't know what it was that clicked in my head, but I loved toying with him, having him wrapped around my fingers.

"Uhh, w-what?" His emerald eyes sparkled, staring at mine intently. His light purple lips ajar, as air rigidly left his mouth in hot waves of mint.

"N-no..." He breathed. I placed my hand softly on his chin, tilting his head down enough for his lips to reach mine. My thumb rubbing the soft, warm, porcelain skin.

"Then say it. Tell me it's not a date." He avoided looking at me once again, his brows furrowing in annoyance.

"Ollie, quit it!" He complained and lifted his head back, looking around the room.

A wicked smirk stretched across my face.

I pulled him in by his shirt, crushing my lips against his. I left enough room between us so that if he wanted to, he could move away.

But he didn't, his body was fiercely still, like stone. As our lips moved in rhythm, his body seemed to melt into me like butter. He towered over me, drowning me.

His arms enveloped around my shoulders, hands on my back. I was swarmed with thousands of emotions. Every Nerve was stimulated in my body, all my blood rushing, every hair sticking up on its end.

Years or suppression, built up feelings, admiration, and day dreaming all stuffed into these moments.

I'd never had the touch of a man, and I knew he didn't either. Nothing felt more right. Nothing felt more thrilling and enticing.

His breathing was unsteady and he stumbled on his feet. He took his lips off mine, but it wasn't over. There was no firece shove of hatred and shame. No storming away angry and embarrassed.

His lips trailed down my cheek, to my neck. My entire body shivered. The feeling was like nothing before.

Years of never getting to love the gender and person I wanted to, and having to pretend with people who made me feel nothing at all. I'd never got the satisfaction of the love I wanted. It was overwhelming to finally have it.

The soft and slow kisses on my skin consumed me, I struggled to keep my breathing even. His hands trailed up my back, my neck, and tangled into my hair. Grabbing it and pulling my neck back further, as soft and delicate kisses went up and down my skin.

My knees were weak and my heart practically stopped working at this point.

He let go of my hair and stopped, nuzzling himself in the crook of my neck. His shoulders rising and falling rapidly along with mine. The room was entirely silent, except for our fast and vigorous breathing.

As he tried to catch his breath, he held onto me, as if supporting him from falling. I had to admit, I was pretty dizzy that standing was a difficult task for me too.

I knew he loved me.

I let that feeling consume me, igniting my soul back the the flames it used to burn. The fire that kept me alive, that gave me hope!

I knew he loved me, he didn't have to say it with words.

Actions were stronger.

I didn't know what I was doing, and neither did he. We were both, learning to love.