Learning To Love

chapter 9

As I cleaned the counter, a figure approached it. I quickly threw the cloth out, dried my hands and greeted the customer.

"Hello, how can I help you?" My voice was cheery and I smiled, looking up. Then, my jaw dropped.

"Hey uh, we need to talk." Lucas looked anxious, his eyes dark and red, his usually clean and slick hair was a mess. He was dressed in all black, though that wasn't unusual, it was his favourite 'colour'.

Then I felt it, the anxiety, the worry. I felt everything and my heart started hammering.

"You can meet me out back," my customer service voice was still in action, stuck in the mode of work and he chuckled lightly. My face flushed.

He laughed? Is he laughing at me, cruelly? Or does he find it amusing? Is he still angry? But he seems so casual. His appearance says otherwise, maybe he is angry. Maybe he came to further clear things up with us. Maybe he was cutting ties with the group itself. My heart dropped to my stomach.

Lucas walked out, heading towards the back of the building

"Hey guys, I'm gonna take my break!" I quickly wrote down the time of my break and pinned it.

"Kay!" Matilda shouted from the cold room, grabbing milk and sweetener. I exited through the back door, a gust of hot spring air filled my lungs.

I looked to my left to see Lucas, leaning up against the wall. I couldn't read his body language, I also didn't know what to be expecting. I had to prepare for whatever pain I'd feel. I hoped that maybe, I'd stay numb. Though the pounding of my chest told me otherwise.

"Hey..." I greeted, my voice quivered. I stood infront of him, lowering my hat on my head to hide my face.

"Look, I'm sorry for what I said yesterday." His voice sounded strict, every word was over pronounced.

"Its fine. Like you said. We were drunk, it was a mistake." I said cooly, crossing my arms to hide the shaking of my body. I was hurt, I was hurt and madly in love with him!

Even after we kissed! After everything, I was still hiding it. Covering it up.

"Is that everything?" I asked, my tone sounding harsher than I wanted it to. I felt like I might throw up.

He nodded, his face entirely blank. With that I turned around and headed to the exit door.

"Ollie! Wait!" He rushed up behind me, grabbing my shoulder before my hand reached the handle.

Looking over at him, into his wide green eyes. I still couldn't read his face, I didn't know what he was thinking.

"Just- j-just..." He stuttered nervously, yet his face still gave nothing away, nothing but a small dip in his brow.

Before I knew it, he crashed his lips against mine. Over taken by shock, fear and passion, I kissed him back. He pulled me closer, grabbing onto the shirt of my uniform. His kisses were deep and rough, mine more soft and slow. The contrast seemed to work well.

Then his lips fell off mine, burying his face in the crook of my neck. His shoulders shook and I soon realized he was crying.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you! I don't know what I'm doing Ollie!" He cried desperately, balling my shirt up in his fists. I fought back tears of my own.

I pulled him close to me, wrapping my arms around his waist tightly as he engolfed me. Lucas had always been bigger and taller than me, but now, I could feel the difference.

I rubbed his back and he squeezed me tighter.

"Its okay..." I whispered. It was all I could manage to say. It took everything in me to not scream "I love you" at the top of my lungs.

"You have a lot to think about and figure out. No matter what, I'll be here for you when you need me." My voice shook as I spoke and Lucas pulled away, his hands still on my shoulders.

I had never seen Lucas cry before. He always showed no emotions close to sadness. It was usually anger, nothing, or happiness. The sight of him crying broke my heart. I just hoped he didn't do anything wreckless, not like me.

"I'm sorry." He said again, wiping his eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked, fixing the ruffles in my shirt. He stepped away from me, nodding.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I'll see you soon." His voice and face we're back to blank. I smiled nodding.

"Yeah, I'll see you." And just those words, were enough to keep me alive. Just those words, were enough to make me feel again. No drugs could give me the feeling he gave.