Learning To Love

chapter 24

Matilda was at the front taking orders as I was in the back, hustling around to make them. I preferred to make the orders rather than take them when I could because I was much faster at putting them out, no offense to the girls. They were too careful with everything, where I was fast, messy, but cleaned up really well. Besides, they had that kind of friendly charm that made this place worth coming to.

Mary said she was answering an important phone call and slipped away out the back. It's been a while now, maybe ten minutes. Out of curiosity and worry, I walked over to the back when the customers were all served, just to check on her.

The back door was held open with a brick to let the hot air out, I could see Mary facing away from the door, appearing to be talking to someone out of my sight. I studied her body language for a minute, because it seemed odd and tense. With all of the appliances on in the kitchen, I could hear only a mummer of the conversation. Mary flared her arms in an angry manner and I could clearly make out the words "I told you, I'm fucking done with you!".

I rushed over, running towards the back door. I saw Mary jerk backwards and trip over the door frame, falling back into the building. As she was getting up, I could see the second person and I could have sworn I saw red. I ran past her and rushed at the man. He was a little taller than me, a shaved head, his face sprinkled in dusty patches of hair, red dark eyes.

I wailed my fist at him in a fury of anger, my veins felt like they were about to burst out of my neck. He tumbled over onto the ground and I went to hit him again, there were so many words I wanted to say, vulgar things I would curse at him, but I was too angry to even breath. this was the man that abandoned a hopeless child and its mother, the man who was almost an exact replica of my father, a wife beating, alcoholic mutt. I was shaking with madness.

Before I could crush my fists against his temple, I felt a hand grab me, trying to pull me away. I instantly knew it was Mary and allowed my whole body to go limp. I couldn't hurt her, no matter how angry. I couldn't push her off me and continue to try and kill this shithead. I couldn't hurt her in any way. My eyes burned as I tried not to cry.

I wasn't a violent person, anger and violence rattled me. I backed up, Mary dragging me by my shirt. I grabbed her arm and held her behind me, making sure he couldn't get to her. He got off the ground, wiping blood from his mouth. I stood there panting, watching his every move. It was as if my instinct to protect took grasp of every part of me. I wouldn't let anything hurt this woman. I chanted that to myself like a prayer.

He walked away with this wild look in his eyes, and went into his car, tires searing off the pavement as he drove off. I quickly turned around, I searched all over Mary's face for bruises or redness. Moving her hair away from her face, checking her arm and hands.

"Enough! Enough Ollie, I'm fine!" She yelled, her voice breaking as a tear rolled down her cheek. I pulled her into me, running my fingers through her hair.

"It's going to be okay, your alright." I whispered to her softly, hugging her tightly as she quietly sobbed into my chest.

"Oh sweetheart, I don't know what I'd do without you!" She pulled away with swollen eyes. A single tear escaped and rolled down my face. She wiped her chin where tears puddled and dripped off, sniffing her wet nose.

How could someone be so cruel to a woman so beautiful?

I smiled at her endearingly, and walked her back into the restaurant. She went into the washroom and cleaned up. Matilda was hurrying to make and take orders, for a moment I felt bad about abandoning her to do everything herself, but she would understand. Without a word to each other I started helping her and gestured for her to take orders at the front, going back to the way we worked before. She knew something happened, just didn't know what. I knew Mary would tell her later.

Around five the shop slowed down. Mary had been spending most of her shift in the office calming down. Matilda finally went into the office since there were no customers, I could hear them talking to each other. a surprised gasp sounded and Matilda came racing out after a few minutes and ran towards me with a worried look.

"Oh my god Ollie, are you okay?" She instantly grabbed my hands, inspecting them.

I smiled, "everything's okay, thank you for working and taking care of everything while it happened. It's been so busy today. We didn't even have a chance to explain everything. I'm dead tired." I groaned, feeling my raw knuckles on my right hand, they started to bruise into a dark red.

"I can't believe that asshole had the nerve to show up here, I'm gonna kill him!" She gritted her teeth the way woman do when they're angry. I chuckled sarcastically.

"I almost did, or at least it felt like it." Venom leaked into my voice so I took a deep breath, trying to keep the anger out of my mind.

"Thank god you were there Ollie! You're like the brother we never had!" She gave me a quick side hug and went back into the office and shared a deep hug with her sister. An overwhelming sensation came over me. It wasn't sadness, or numbness, I didn't know what this feeling was. I felt grateful, for something. I couldn't tell if I was happy or upset, but I wanted to cry. I thought about Lucas and this morning, it made me feel warm.

I was so conflicted all the time, a sad person who wants to be happy. A confused person with no answers. A beaten and abused person who loves unconditionally. An over thinker and an over feeler. semimetal and sentimentally famished. I was still finding myself, but in this moment, it almost felt like I found it.

It was pride.

Pride. Proud of caring for someone, proud of still standing here, still living, breathing, working, trying. For the first time, I felt like I had purpose. Mary was safe, and it was because of me. I looked over at the sisters, cuddling each other in love and care and smiled to myself. God if I missed this, this environment of love, I could never forgive myself.

Stupid ungrateful little boy...

It will be okay, I told myself and sucked in a deep beautiful breath of air I was lucky to breath. I wanted to love longer, and so I didn't want to die. Not yet. In this moment I realized that loving was sometimes better than being loved. In a strange way, that made life worth living, it was enough for me.

The store was dead for another thirty minutes and Mary came out of the office as I was stalking up the fridge. "Alrighty Ollie, you can clock out now dear." She placed her hand on my shoulder as I closed the fridge door.

"There's no more customers, so go on, get out while you can!" She smiled a calm and infectious smile. we stared at each other for a few moments, and those few seconds said more than any words could.

"Goodnight Mary." I rustled her hair as I walked up to the front till and clocked my name out and ripped my time sheet.

"Goodnight Ollie," she said softly behind me and when I turned around she still had that pretty smile on her face. When I changed and left through the back door, I felt better then I ever had.

when I got into my car, I checked my phone to see three missed calls from Lucas and one message. My breath hitched.

"Call me back as soon as possible, I really need to talk to you. This is important. Please call me."