Learning To Love

chapter 47

I threw my orange peel into the garbage and stared out the window.

He's probably still out selling it all.

Glancing at the clock, it showed 9:34 AM.

Another day in agony, although today it felt bearable.

It's just a little while until Lucas will be here.

Today my back ached, almost more than my stomach.

I wonder how much weight I've lost.

I had nothing to do, and Robert had taken down some of the tarps he had up from painting the house. The last spot to finish was the living room ceiling, about half of it was finished.

I can't believe he painted the whole house for me. Is this his way of apologizing?

I walked past the fireplace and looked out the window above the couch. The backyard was a mess, the grass was long and weeds were sprinkled everywhere.

I wonder how long until Robert makes me do something about it? Will he if I'm injured?

I don't know how long I stood there, but it felt like a long time. My black track pants felt warm from the sun, and I began to feel sleepy so I went back to my room, holding onto the walls for support.

Every now and then there was a random piercing pain in my stomach, it felt like it electrified my skin. I sat in my desk chair, which was surprisingly comfortable.

Waiting for Lucas to come over, I doodled on a piece of paper. I wasn't paying attention to what I was drawing, I was just thinking about yesterday.

I'm in love with you Ollie McLain.

I wanted to say it back, in so many different ways.

These days I felt lost, scared, confused, and dazed. Lucas felt like the only thing that was grounding me. I couldn't stop flashbacks from swarming me in my sleep and causing me to wake up in sweat. I couldn't stop losing myself midday and forgetting where I was and what time it was.

I hadn't looked in a mirror in a long time. To be honest, I'm scared I won't recognize who looks back at me.

I already don't feel like myself.

My hands aren't my hands, I don't have any control over them. My words aren't mine, they're just words that I happen to be saying. I have no control or feelings or anything.

That's why I need you Lucas.

I would abuse the time I had alone with him.

The knock at my door startled me, it was hard and aggressive. Definitely Lucas.

I got up from my desk and slowly made my way to the front door. The banging came again, and I instantly realized it wasn't Lucas.

"Hello officer?" I kept the door open a crack.

"Sorry to disturb you, I just had a few questions about a disturbance in the area. If you wouldn't mind." He was sharp, with a clean jaw and proud, broad shoulders.

"Uh, sure." I twirled a curl around my thumb and held onto the door frame.

The officer looked me up and down and frowned.

"Maybe now isn't a good time?" He looked at the bandages covering my body, but I smiled.

"It's alright Sir, go on." I glanced at the drive way in anticipation.

"Last night there was a call about someone snooping around in people's yards." He started and then paused.

"It appeared that someone's dog chased them off, but they broke someone's fence, I guess from climbing over it. Then, they must have tried to drive away fast and crashed their car into someone's mailbox." He pointed at a neighbours lawn, their mailbox was crooked.