Chapter 43

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[WARNING!!] : This scene may contain triggering mental health such as depression, this might be harmful and traumatizing for some audience. The viewer's discretion is advised.

"How are you feeling?"

Kanina pang tanong ng tanong si Emeticia sakin dito. I was just watching the baby in the nursery in this hospital, nanganak ako pero bakit hindi ako makaramdam ng sakit. I gave birth to a healthy baby girl but I lost the other twin.

"I'm fine," sambit ko.

"Cry," Emet told me, caressing my back. "Umiyak ka lang, Abi. You need that,"

I tried to contain my tears but it wouldn't just stop. "I-I can't, I can't be a mother, Emet. Sa tuwing nakikita ko siya, nahihirapan ako.."

She hushed me. "I-I'll do it, I'll be her mother. Hanggang sa maging okay ka at kaya mo na,"

Three weeks later, nakauwi na kami mula sa ospital. Cj paid my bills because I was short with money and Emeticia's been secretly sipping liquors at work so she was fired many times. I don't want to ask my other friends for money because they also have lives of their own.

I named her Martini Ayania Montenegro. He's been all in my mind after all he has done to me, for hurting me, for just freezing when I needed help to immediately go to the hospital. I still think of him every single day because even though I hate him, I'm still waiting for him to come back to me and apologize.

But he didn't, so I have to face my hardships and depressions alone.

"Omg, look! She smiled at me!" Lolita excitingly announced.

I wanted to look but I can't, I can't even touch her. Some might say I'm a bad person but this is what I am, I am not ready for this.

"Abi, look! She really smiled!" Emeticia said playing with Aya. 

I gave them a light smile and walked away, ayoko siyang tignan. That day I occupied myself by doing all the work in the house so I will get busy not pay attention to the child, when I look at her, all I see is Nigel. I wasn't fond of speaking at the house, especially when my friends are visiting. 

"Abi," rinig kong pagtawag ni Emeticia sakin.

"What?" I responded.

She heavily sighed. "Aren't you gonna try to even hold her?"

"You know, I can't." ani ko at umiwas ng tingin.

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