In tears, I run down the empty corridor in sheer horror, tears streaming down my face. As I pass, I recall each memory, some with the woman I've chosen to leave behind, and some with my dad, the man that I'll never see again.
I look down at the stairs and run down them, making sure not to miss a step. I smell a waft of fast food coming from below and I see Harry pass me. I ignore him and carry on ru-
Nevermind.
"Hey, hey, hey," He holds my arms, concern washing over his face. Barely being able to breathe from running and the stabbing pain in my heart, he continues. "Wha- what's going on?" He asks, looking up the flight of stairs.
He waits for me, for my breath.
I can't.
I see my chest rise as I make barely audible words leave my mouth "Death," I huff "my dad," I huff once again "Never again," I cry out, wanting to leave this place and never return.
In shock, he pauses, as I rush down the flight of stairs again.
I need fresh air.
In fact, I just need to be out of here.
After a few seconds, I hear his footsteps come down, following me. Knowing it's Harry, I rush out the door.
I see his car, and rush to it, trying to open the locked door. Please.
I watch the car lights flash on, and lightning speed I open the door and hop in, knowing I'm never coming back.
We pass every place I've seen before, in silence, my whimpers being the only audible thing in the car.
I watch, like a movie, memories on the streets of New York.
Until I see the oddly familiar place.
"One day, I'll be here, resting." He says, looking at her passing the graveyard.
"I'd be going right there beside you." The mother replies back.
"But you said you'd live forever!" Luna says, looking up at her dad.
"Stop the car!" I say, making myself jump.
I watch harry jump out of his skin "What?"
"Right there!" I point, without wasting time.
He pulls up at the graveyard as I immediately jump out of his car.
"Harris." I say in tears, to the man in front of me.
He looks at me blankly. "Thomas Harris!" I say, a little louder.
He gives me the map, clearly wanting me gone as Harry catches up. "I'll be in the ca-"
"No, you won't." I say before realising that was a little harsh the way I said it. "Sorry," I say timidly, sniffing, being unable to contain the tears. "Don't leave please," I say as I walk up a hill.
He nods as I read the map. "He should be along here," I say out loud.
Then I see his name on the stone.
"I'll leave you two alone," Harry says, taking three steps back.
I faintly smile and turn to the stones. I see beside it there's my brother's stone.
This is it.
I kneel down to my father's and smile, knowing this is the closest I'll ever get to him.
"It's been a while," I say to him, knowing he's listening. "I-I didn't come prepared," I whisper, chuckling at myself.
I look at the stone, my eyes becoming blurry "I'm so sorry." My voice cracks. "Please forgive me," I say, knowing he won't. "I know you're in heaven now, and that's what hurts the most," I say, tears falling down my face, barely being able to contain them so I don't make a pool in front of him. "It hurts the most because I won't be going there." I pause. "Dad life is terrible. We all fight for happiness. We all know it comes to the end so what's the point? I'm sorry dad. I've killed. I won't be seeing you any time soon."
The words I speak hurts so bad, but I know all of them are 100% true.
"I met this man" I smile, proud of myself for meeting him. "He's Harry. Harry Edward Styles." I wipe my tears, quickly they get replaced with more. "I thought you'd like him. You'd get along. He's amazing, dad. His smile, the way he talks, the way he notices all my imperfections, loving them with all his heart." I smile. "My stars have aligned."
I sit crossed legged in front of him, the world going silent.
And it's just me and him.
"Blackbird singing in the dead of night"
I sing the song he always used to sing me.
"Take these broken wings and learn to fly"
I cry uncontrollably. The sadness seeps through and all those emotions I should have felt before, I can feel now. I take a deep breath.
"All your life"
I sing, almost being able to hear him sing with me.
"You were only waiting for this moment to arise"
I curl up into a ball. "I'm so sorry," my voice shatters to pieces. "I am so sorry." I repeat.
"I love you."
I take another deep breath.
I look over to Tobias' stone.
He shouldn't be here.
I killed him.
I move over and bow down to him.
"Tobs, I'm so sorry," I say, being as vulnerable as I'll ever be. I feel my heart fall apart in my chest. "I should be here."
I spend minutes crying silently. "I'll never get to see you meet Harry," I cry even more. "I'm sorry for killing you, Tobs. You don't deserve this. You're almost 16 now. You're so old yet so young."
I look in guilt.
"I'm a murderer. I don't deserve to live, you deserved the world. I'm sorry I took that away," I whisper in grief.
I smile at him, secretly in pain, knowing ill never see his face again. I never got to share the moment of his first tooth falling out or his first day of school.
And I have to make that okay.
"I know I'm late but," I sigh "Happy 15th,"
"My stars have aligned for you."
I sit there in pain before peeling myself off the floor, feeling slightly better after speaking to them.
I smile to hide the pain and turn to Harry who has his back towards me, respecting my privacy. Dad would've loved him.
I've realised that my tears are gone and my head is a lot less foggy.
I've hit rock bottom, it can only get better from here.
I tap on Harry's hard shoulder. "I'm ready," I say.
He turns around before pecking my lips. "You okay, my love?" The name he used makes me slightly warmer inside as I smile faintly.
"I'm ready." He takes my hand, meaning I know we're about to walk. "Wait," I say before we could make our first step "Please promise me this," I say "Please don't die until I do. It hurts too much. Please?" I plead.
I know it's a lot to ask but just knowing he promised makes me feel better. "And please, when I go, go on and live your life. Smile, show all your imperfects to the world. Don't waste a moment. I love you too much for that." I smile, knowing he'll be better off without me.
I see his faint smile "Promise.." He says, doubting his words. I do too. But it makes me feel better knowing he's said it.
We look at each other's eyes in awe before I interrupt "Now, let's go and get on a plane! And I'm never going to New York again, Harry," I say.
I'm leaving this behind. All of it. Dad and Tobs will always have a big place in my heart but I never want to come back here again.
I'm the one leaving.
And I'm not going to say goodbye.
