Well, that just happened.
I take a moment to take in what I've said and done.
When I told James, that I couldn't be with him, he just pushed me off of him, rightfully so, then left. At least he took it well.
I think he took it well.
I hope he took it well.
My emotions are bubbling up, my lungs swelling. I feel sort of regretful...
He looked pissed. What if I broke his heart? What if hurt him? What if--
"Bloss, don't worry. He's broke your confidence more than you could ever break his heart."
Wait, I said that out loud?
I go red like a tomato as tears form in my eyes.
"He's gone," I mumble, falling back to my original spot, laying on the bed.
"Hey," Emma sits down beside me, rubbing my back for comfort. "He didn't deserve you. Promise." I look up at her, looking away swiftly. Maybe she's right. Maybe he wasn't the right person for me. I mean it didn't always feel right.
Right?
Emma and I spend hours upon hours talking about this- more like me crying my eyes out questioning my decision. I'm so grateful to have Emma, she is like my personal, free therapy. I say my final words before drifting off to a night of deep sleep
***
I wake up to the unpleasant sound of the beeping of the alarm beside my bed. I gradually walk to the bathroom though I'm longing to just jump back in bed and slumber. I gaze to the mirror, my hair is a mess.Kind of what my life is right now, a mess.I dismiss the thought from my mind and brush my teeth in peace.
Peace.
That's exactly what I need! Peace! Maybe...To start fresh. Maybe dumping James was a good idea.How am I going to start fresh? How do I start my book? How do I do this?Can I do this? Maybe Emma can help in some way.Should I really have to rely on Emma for everything? Well as of now, I have to.Right?
"Emma?"
No remark.
"Emma?" I stroll down the slim staircase still in my bright pink dressing gown and light pink slippers. I make it to the last step. "Emma this isn't funny.Maybe I should've just stayed in bed.
"Boo!" Emma jumps at me from the corner. I scream in response. She scared the living daylight out of me.That's not fair.
"Not fair, Ems," I respond to her laughter. She bends her back, almost crying of laughter.I'm almost crying from being scared. Really not fair.
"You should have seen your face!" She says, words barely audible from how much she's laughing. My heart aches and I want to cry. I sigh and walk to the kitchen trying to brush off my emotions. Emma's laugh almost instantly fades away. "Bloss, I'm sorry."
I don't respond, still wanting to cry.
There's an awkward silence between us both.
Am I being too harsh?
I reach up to the cupboards to grab my breakfast, Emma still stood behind me. Am I being harsh? I mean either way she almost gave me a heart attack so I guess not. But I still feel this guilt deep in my gut.Unless it's still about James. She apologized. I'll forgive her.
"Bloss, you were calling me?" I completely forgot that I wanted to ask her how to start fresh. I don't know how she does it. She always has the answer.Always.
