20. Journal Entry Eight of Learning

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'I defend him, because if I do, I don't feel like I've made a mistake

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'I defend him, because if I do, I don't feel like I've made a mistake.'

When I tell you my heart shattered, Dad.

She feels like she made a mistake?

With a boy I'm sure she loved?

I watched her face the whole entire time.

It was so difficult for her to get that out and I'm sure it's because she's never said it out loud before.

I would feel honoured if I didn't feel so horrible.

You should have seen the look on her face, Dad.

She was in pain; I'm sure she was in physical pain because tears welled up in her eyes so fast.

She laughed it off, though.

The moment tears filled her eyes and I mentioned it, she laughed and told me that she was fine.

She laughed.

Tears in her eyes and she laughed.

Because she doesn't want anyone else to think she's sad about making a mistake.

Who would do this to her, Dad?

This is the girl who says that she just wants to love someone and that she just wants someone to love her. How could someone have broken her heart so much, Dad?

How could anyone look at her, know that she loves them, and still do things to break her heart the way that it seems to have been broken?

I can understand a mistake.

Everyone makes mistakes.

Throughout relationships, everyone learns things.

We grow and learn and evolve.

Mistakes are part and parcel of life.

But this?

She's hurt, Dad.

The way that she is; the way that she wants to love, I think that she's been deprived of it by someone she held very dear.

I don't want this to be like insider information.

I don't want to treat her well because it hasn't happened in the past.

I want to treat her well because that's exactly what she deserves; that and more.

I've seen the things she does, Dad.

In the past two weeks that she's been here, she's always been there for Jenna, going with her to all the appointments, supporting her, cheering her on.

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