The Billionaire's One

47. Journal Entry Seventeen of Growing

Dad,

Suddenly, I wish I were becoming a cardiovascular surgeon and not a neurosurgeon, so that I would know exactly how to cut my heart out because this just hurts too much.

How do people do it?

Long distance?

It's gun wrenching.

It's killing me inside.

It's absolute torture.

Every day, I wake up and she's in a different time zone, living a completely different life than I am.

Sometimes, I come home late at night, wanting to talk to her, just to hear her voice and I look at the time and I know she's fast asleep.

She'll tell me about people she spoke to during the day and I find myself jealous of stranger just because they were in the same room as her, hearing her speak, seeing her face, seeing the way her eyes speak for her.

It's been almost three months now, Dad.

Shouldn't this feeling have worn off by now?

Maybe not.

Aiden still looks at Rosalie like she's heaven on earth.

So, maybe, I'm not crazy.

I am, however, crazy about her,

So crazy that I almost completely spilled the beans to Marco recently.

There we were, sitting on the benches, cooling down after a game of tennis and he starts telling me about how much he misses Isa because she's away on a business trip and it's more than he ever expected.

I almost – almost – told him how much I understood his pain.

Maybe it hurts him a little less because he knows exactly when Isa will be back.

Maybe I'll find any excuse to tell myself that I have to put an end to the distance between her and me.

Marco is absolutely going to kill me when I do finally come clean to him about all this because this is definitely the biggest, and probably the only thing I've kept from him since college.

In a way, I'm glad that I'm the only one who knows.

With the exception of Jenna and Juliet, of course, but neither of them really ask me about Aura.

It helps me selfishly keep her to myself for the time being.

Almost like she's my little secret – this wonderful thing that only I know about.

(Of course, there's you, Dad, but I'm sure you won't tell anyone.)

In a few months, there's going to be an annual entrepreneurial conference and this year, they're thinking of hosting it in Andrusia.

I've been a few times, as you know, and I always like to go to support Jenna, but I think I'll definitely go this year.

I'll get to see her part of the world and where she grew up and the place that made her, her.

Most importantly, I'll get to see her and that's about the best thing I can think of at the moment.

If I don't implode from missing her beforehand, that is.