Interlocking (Merhayes)

Pillow talk

TRIGGER WARNING:
Speaks of miscarriage and abortion.

Meredith's POV:
I shake my head looking up at cormac, tears in my eyes. "I- I-I- nothing." I say resting the side of my face back on his chest. We stand in comfortable silence for a few minutes. Cormac's left hand runs up and down my back slowly his right wrapped around my waist. "Mer..." his voice is quiet, full of emotion. "Hm?" I hum back unable to fully respond. "That was our first fight." He whispers I smile moving my head so I can look at him. "It was." I confirm searching his eyes for something more. Something to tell if he's upset or happy. The rough pad of his hand cups my cheek, his thumb caressing it gently. "I'm sorry." He whispers. I lightly nod before his forehead presses against mine. I feel his breath it my skin, even in this moment it sends a shiver down my spine. Cormac pulls back looking in my eyes as he moves closer to my lips. I turn my head quickly putting my finger against his soft lips. He sighs stepping back. "Are you still mad at me?" He pushes his bottom lip out making a pouty face. I chuckle "no babe. No I'm not mad." I say taking his hands in mine. "You make me happy. I've never felt this with anyone besides derek. When I'm having a hard or bad day I can look at you and feel like everything is fine again. Come here." I pull him to the bed. I sit down my the pillows with my legs crossed "cris cross applesauce" Cormac mumbles thinking of a story I told him of Ellis the other day. I chuckle and nod. "Cormac I'm not mad at you." He nods looking at me.

Cormac's POV:
I know what Meredith is trying to say but I'm not sure she can. "You make me happy to Mer." My voice is lower as I speak. She pulls me closer to her holding me in her tight embrace with my head resting on her shoulder. My lips facing her neck. "Cor..." she whispers I hum back not want to move even an inch "can we go to bed now?" She continues to whisper I chuckle nodding "only if I get to hold you all night." I counter we both lightly laugh. "Deal." I pull Meredith down on the bed some so she's laying. I stand up to situate myself before laying back down next to Meredith. "Come here" I say pulling her so she is laying out on top of me. Her hair falling perfectly on the side of my chest, her face laying on my torso, our legs tangled together. I haven't felt this perfect in a long time. Three years to be exact. "I love you." Meredith mumbles as I play with her hair. "I love you too babe." Before I finished my sentence her breathing evens out indicating she's asleep. I smile looking down at her just watching her sleep. "Stop watching me sleep." She mumbles I chuckle "sorry... babe?" I question "mm?" She hums back "when I said the boys aren't home come over.... I didn't think we'd be cuddling and going to bed this early." We both chuckle "that's because we are old." Meredith explains "the hell you are." Meredith sits up off of me I watch her move to the side of me. She lays her head on my chest, her right hand on my torso and her legs tangle with mine again.

"Mer... do you want to get married again?" I question hesitating. She places a soft kiss on my chest "I don't know... maybe. Do you?" She fires back with the same question. I smile wrapping my hand around her back. "I'm open to it. I don't wanna say no but I can't say yes." I explain as she draws lazy circles on my chest. She nods "Mhm. You want more kids?" She questions. I smile think back to Liam and Austin as babies. "Yes and no. I wanted more kids with Abigail but I'm not sure I could have any with someone who isn't her... we had something I've never had with anyone else. Not even you. I say that in every good way possible." Meredith nods again. "Yeah I don't know if I could have another kid. My pregnancies were pretty hard on my body and my last was hard emotionally." I slip my hand under her shirt as she talks running my fingers up and down her spine softly, making Meredith sigh. "What would you do or feel if you randomly found out you were pregnant?" I question genuinely curious.

"What exactly are you asking?" She questions. I shrug "I mean how would that go? How do you feel about those things?" Meredith goes quiet for a moment clearly collecting her thoughts before speaking again. "I'd probably have to wrap my head around it... it would be really hard for me cor. I mean Derek always wanted a big family. He wanted a football and he would have gotten one if I let him. My body has been through so much I just don't know if I could handle it." I inhale a deep breath before nodding as Meredith looks up at me. "I am older... I know you don't like to hear that and trust me I don't like saying it but I am. A pregnancy would be risky. I'd need a lot of convincing that I was safe and the baby was."

Meredith's POV:
As I speak I watch Cormac keeping myself still tangled with him. I watch to see his expressions wondering if he wanted to try for a baby. "Would you- uh would-" he struggles to say it. I smile laying my head back on his chest. "No. I can't bring myself to get an abortion. That doesn't mean I don't stand with women who do." Cormac audibly sighs in relief. "I've had a miscarriage... a few. I know how it feels to lose a baby and I don't think I could go though that again weather that be a miscarriage or abortion. I don't know I just wouldn't be able to live with myself. I get woken who do though. The fact of rape or just not being able to... I get that." Cormac kisses my head. "I love you Meredith Grey." He whispers with his lips still pressing against me. "I love you Cormac, Hayes." I reply closing my eyes.