Guns And Fireflies

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

NANDINI'S POV

CHAPTER SONG: Baarishein by Anuv Jain

Happy Reading :)

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Never in my life have I been so nervous and anxious in my life. Not even when I have given any class speech or presentation or the college interview. But today, I have decided that I will tell Manik that I like him. I am scared of his answer because I don't know what he thinks or feels.

I couldn't even sleep at night because I was thinking about Manik and whether I should tell him or not and if I should then how should I tell him. On top of all, I am scared. Not scared of rejection but of the awkwardness if he said no. I am kind of scared of the rejection, obviously. Who isn't? but I don't want to lose what we have now. The thought of loosing the Manik that I have now is very scary. I don't want to lose the only friend that I have here. Technically, I even have Cabir but I meet him only once in a while.

What if he says no and then goes back to the Manik he was before, the scary one? That's the scariest part because I can't deal with him again.

All these thoughts were running through my mind the entire night. In the morning, I didn't even need the alarm to wake me up. I woke up and went to my balcony to get some fresh air. I was met by a cold breeze. The wind blew through my hair and that immediately formed a smile on my face.

Nature has always been my therapist. Back when I lived in Manglore, my house was surrounded by trees and bushes and all the greenery. My Amms loved nature as much as I did. In the evening, we would sit on the bench and gaze at the beautiful sky for hours. None of us got tired of our routine, in fact I used to be excited for that part of the day.

After a while I went to my room and then to the bathroom. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and it was horrible. I had bags under my eyes which clearly showed the I didn't sleep. Regardless, I went to take a shower. Water cascaded through my hair and that calmed my nerves a little more. after a good thirty minutes, I was out of the shower. I went to my wardrobe to find an outfit but settled some shorts and tank top. The usual. Honestly, that's the only kind of outfit I have been wearing at home since the day I came here.

Usually, I dry my hair with a dryer but today I decided against it. I went out with wet hair. I went out to not find Manik in the kitchen, for a change. But it was expected considering the time. He would wake up after half an hour. I sighed in relief because seeing him right now was the last thing I wanted to do. It's not that I don't want to see him or anything but he will immediately tell something is wrong with me just by looking at my face and I don't want to answer any questions at the moment.

Last night during dinner, he knew something was off with me. He tried asking me what was the matter but I dodged the questions everytime. 

I went to the kitchen to make some tea instead of coffee. While making that, I again drifted in my thoughts. I didn't realize that the tea was flowing out of the vessel until Manik shouted. I looked down to see the tea had already spilled. I shut the gas and looked at Manik.

"Sorry. I wasn't paying attention to it. I'll clean the mess." I told him.

"Are you okay?" he asked me as he led me to the barstool and made me sit.

"Yeah I am fine." I said.

"Dhyan kidhar hai aapka madam?" he asked me.

"I don't know, just college." I lied.

"Seriously? Are you really thinking about it? You seem off since last night. What's the problem? You know you can tell me, right?"

No I can't, I cannot tell you that I like you like this. I am too phattu for that. This remained in my head.