PRODUCE 101 | c.s + j.wy

XLIV

This time, the boys filled the first rows of the venue from before the broadcast. They were already done with makeup, hair and everything. Actually, this wasn't going to be too harsh as an episode: one group performance, then they were split in two units. It was more about showing to the audience clips of the previous months, since the voting for the winners were supposed to go on for the whole broadcast. Then, just at the very end, the ranking was going to be shown, and so the winners. The first eight guys going to be the members of the future group to debut in a couple weeks.

Of course, the anxiety was immeasurable.

Even the chatting between the boys wasn't helping to release the tension. The mood couldn't be properly explained: there was a sense of relief, due to the ending of the journey, which also meant the beginning of a new life, no matter the result. For the winners, it meant instant debut; for the losers, yet they had to comeback at the trainee life, they were already recognised by the audience, so, hopefully, thy were going to debut soon anyway.

Then, there was the fear of losing. For the ones who had just been through the repechage, it was fear of lose again. For the everytime winners, there was the fear of not being enough for the most important time. To lose all the progress, the improvements.
There was excitement for the last episode, for the last performance all together. This created an atmosphere of disbelief, like it wasn't possible to think about going on to something else after all those months spent there, with the constant feeling of competition, of doing better, of seeing your good or bad ranking. Like going out the Big Brother show.

Anyway, they could do nothing but go on with that.

Sometimes they shared little chats, but for most of the time they just sat watching the staff to prepare the stage.

Wooyoung was a general anxious mess, but he wasn't showing it. Instead, he stayed in his sit without talking to anyone, wondering about his life, probably. Whether both San and Seonghwa had tried to talk to him, his answers had been only mumbles and monosyllables, so they got it was better to leave him alone for a bit. Of course, he was very grateful that finally they understood his needing for space without considering it a bipolar or impolite behaviour.

In his mind, there was a train of thoughts which was travelling the speed of a plane. All the feelings listed before, plus the general sense of inadequacy which drowned him in the worst moments. Only looking at San, who seemed pretty calm as usual, seemed to comfort his mind.

Even if I fail, I'd still have him.

Would I?

What he couldn't know was that San was pretty worried, too. Not about the winning itself, since he managed to rank #1 even after a mediocre performance as he did last time. Being first for the whole competition gave this kind of confidence; but he still cared about doing good in the group, and after the previous errors, after the first time seeing himself weak again, he was scaring of messing up everything. What if messing up also meant to put someone else in a bad position? He'd never forgiven himself for something like this.

He noticed the general aura Wooyoung had and decided to leave him some free space, just gifting the boy with some smiles here and there while casually meeting his gaze. He kinda knew that this was enough to calm him a little, hiding his feelings. Usually, it was Wooyoung the one who managed to put his worries in a angle to care about San, and the latter really appreciated this behaviour. The fact that Wooyoung managed every single time to lighten his mood, and both felt better thanks to the other. This time, San knew that Wooyoung needed a lot of support for the delicate situation, but this support must be communicated through distance and silence, and he respected it.