Secrets In Paradise (GirlxGirl)

Lessons and Contracts

Brooklyn's POV:

Nihilism: derived from the Latin word nihil, which means nothing in the mind can come from the senses. No substance from sounds and no image constructed by sight; it is the idea that everything is cultivated in our minds. When used as a verb though, such as in the word annihilate, it can mean to bring something to nothing and to destroy completely.

The Nihilism theory states that all values are baseless and nothing can be known or even communicated. If you're a true nihilist, you will believe in nothing, have no loyalties, and have no purpose other than to allow everything to be destroyed.

In essence, and to summarize it, everything is bound to come to end, no matter what you do; it is inevitable because chaos is the natural order of things.

It is a rather unsettling theory to believe in, perhaps even villainous to some, and I for one, want to believe it's false. I mean, to believe that the cosmos is purposeless and everything you do is via corrosive effect which will eventually result in destroying all morals, religion, and other values is rather depressing.

I, for one, like to believe it is possible to avoid destruction, though, I do find it hard to do at times. I mean, it's not like I intentionally go out to ruin things, but I do find, more times than none, things don't usually go as plan.

Like yesterday, and how I yelled at Emma. It wasn't my intention to yell, however, I did, and why? Because I forget to take my medicine. That was my fault, and even though it was a small mistake, it had a ripple effect. I was either in a state of limbo or thinking about a million things at once, so when Emma and I did go to get our outfits tailored for our prom, I was frustrated.

I was either getting annoyed at how long I had to stand or was very vocal when I didn't like certain things on my suit. I didn't like how I looked and even though the employees tried to reassure me that I looked both gorgeous and handsome, I didn't care for their opinion. I want Emma's but we had agreed not to see each other's outfit, so instead, Stephen, Zachary, and I talked, while Emma and Isa, went to another section in the building.

Stephen wasn't going to prom, since it was only for juniors and seniors, but because I had to tutor him, he had to tag along. Zachary came, however, because he wanted to see if my mother's employees could add a few things to his suit and Isa's dress.

It took roughly two hours to get everything tailored and to get things added on before we were able to leave. In the end, we were told we could come to get our outfits by Friday and I was grateful for that because I would have hated to have to get them the day of prom.

It would leave no room to make sure everything was perfect, and if the concept of nihilism was true, then it will help avoid disaster. I wasn't superstitious but I wasn't an idiot either, and with my luck, something was bound to happen.

I was still walking a fine line with Emma, and even though she had forgiven me for my outburst, I still didn't feel comfortable being near her. Throughout yesterday, I was in a tug of war knowing I forgot to take my medicine and keeping it quiet or telling Emma.

In the end, I told her but it just made me feel worse. I was never one to use my diagnose as an excuse for my action and seeing how quickly Emma was able to forgive me when she realized why I yelled, just put me in an off mood.

That why I made sure to take my night one before I went to sleep, and the other two when I woke up. I didn't want any more slips up especially when I was doing better and knowing that today I was going to be meeting with Sydney, I knew I needed them direly.

I had only wished that I went into the meeting with Sydney with a different mindset because it would have made my day easier if I had. Instead, though, the second I met up with her, I decided to put some distance between us two, letting her know that I wasn't comfortable meeting with her alone.