Along the way ( Province #1 )

Kabanata 39

I stomped my foot on the ground, feeling its hardness like the first time I came here. Marami ang nagbago, pero ang isip at puso ko, sa iisang tao lang naka pako. A nail that harshly pushed on a branch of tree that no one can ever rid off.

Pinikit ko ang mga mata ko at sinamyo ang masarap at sariwang ihip ng hangin na nanggagaling sa puno ng mangga at santol. The dried leaves were scattered on the grass and as the branches keeps swaying and make a whistle along with the wind.

Totoo nga, the pain that have been inside you, will never forget how much struggles it brought you. Yet, those pain managed to make you a different person. Your strong, more than you've imagined.

Nawala ako sa malalim kong pag-iisip nang may lumabas mula sa pintuan. With his faded maong pants and ripped dirty shirt, his dominant eyes that can cage you like a wounded animal. Twisting his lips, those pale pinkish lips smiling, next to the woman beside him. Those rough hand that caging another woman.

Hindi na kailangan ng tanong, at sagot. One thing is for sure.

"Hey, you're Gracia right?" the woman was smiling in front of me.

Hindi mag sinked in utak ko na narito na pala ang dalawa sa harapan at nakangiti, dahil sa lalim ng iniisip ko. O marahil dahil ito sa bigat ng nararamdaman ko.

Hindi ko magawang matignan sa mata ang lalaking nagapatibok ng puso ko. I'm afraid he'll catch me still wanting him, still longing for him. Especially loving him. Hindi ko mapigilang matawa sa naiisip ko. Ang tanga ko, narito na nga sa harapan ang taong matagal ko ng iniwan at ngayon babalikan, tapos ganito lang ang kaya kong ibigay sa harapan nito.

What a pathetic bicth Gracia! Just put a smile on your face and leave. I put myself back in the moment and breath deeply. Tinaas ko ng puno ng kumpyansa sarili ang aking mukha at binigyan sila ng matamis na ngiti.

I looked at Abel, those dominant eyes that turned into emotionless, those sweet smile earlier that sprinkled with sweet sugar. Vanished... One second it all takes to make Abel turned into wild wolf. And its me who's willing to be wounded inside those arms again, yet one thing is for sure...

"I-im..." I smiled and give the same intensity stares that he's throwing me.

"I'm late, excuse me."

Mabilis naglaho ang mga ngiti, kasabay ng pagtalikod ko sa dalawa. Ano? Tangina lang!? That's it? That's all I can say after many years? I'm late?! Fuck me! Pinanindigan mo na nga pagiging isang tanga.

My eyes felt sting as I take the stairs. No, no, no! You're not gonna cry Gracia. You're not gonna cry! Never. You came here for a fresh start. Dapat alam mo na 'to umpisa pa lang. Pero yun na nga eh! Dapat una pa lang alam ko na sa umpisa pa lang na may iba na. Pero mas masakit pa pala kapag nalaman mong totoo na, nasa harapan mo na. Ayan na nga, naglalampungan pa.

I slammed the door loudly and throw myself on my bed. Sarili mo na muna Gracia. Put yourself first. Love can always be found. It's just there. Don't repeat the same mistakes again. Tinitigan ko ang bakas ng sugat sa pulso ko. I smiled bitterly, bakas ng masakit na kahapon.

It's just your first day here Gracia. There's so much more to do than to think on Abel. Mabilis akong tumayo sa kama at inayos ang mga gamit ko. Yeah! There's so much got to do, than to think on Abel.

Morning came, the usual I did my moring routine before leaving the room. I wore my white plain shirt together with maong shorts, and tied my hair ino a bun. Sapat na siguro itong suot ko para maka kilos ng maayos sa mga gawaing bahay.

I shrugged my shoulder and leave the room, to take the stairs. I reached the dining hall and saw bunch of men eating like a wild animal while talking with their mouth full. Ang masaya at maingay na kainan kanina, ngayon ay puno ng nakakabinging katahimikan.

I didn't stare at them, because I know who they are. I will always know them. Especially that one.

Kung gaano kabilis nawala ang katahimikan kanina, ganoon din kabilis ang pagkuha ko ng kanin at ulam, at sunod-sunod sumubo na parang walang tao sa harapan ko. Gladly, I didn't choke.

I drank the water straight and burped like a man. "I'm done." I simply said.

But before I stormed out of the dining hall, I heard someone say. "Nasa'n na yung calory deficit pre?"

I rolled my eyes and continued walking. I used the back door of the dining are and look at the ducks and chicken waiting to be feed. I didn't think twice to get the basket inside and get some rice to feed on them. As I throw the food on the cold and wet loam, the ducks and chickens came towards me. And not a moment later, I heard the loud honk.

Kung dati, siguro sisigaw ako pag narinig ko ang malakas na tunog na nanggagaling sa hayop na iyon. Pero ngayon, hindi ko mapigilang matawa at humagikhik habang papalapit ang mga ito sa akin.

"Come baby, come" I shouted lightly.

They keep keep making loud noises as they lengthen their neck, with their wings spread apart like they used to.

"Oh, look, you've all grown!" I said amused, with a wide smile on my face.

"I thought, I would heard a scream again." a baritone voice filled my ears.

Bumilis ang kabog ng dibdib ko ng marinig ang boses na iyon. I know that voice, it's still cold yet can melt down my knees. Hindi ka agad ako lumingon dito at patuloy pa ring pinapakain ang mga bibe at manok. Nang mawalan ng laman ang basket kong dala. Nilapag ko ito sa gilid at lumingon sa nagsalita.

It brings back the warmth I used to feel as I heard his voice. Abel.

"Yeah, I thought so too." I shrugged, walking passed by him.

"Wait," Abel, stopping me.

Tumigil ako at lumingon, I raised my one brow at him, as if my heart is not getting wild inside. Yeah! that's it Gracia, show him like you don't care. Lalo na ngayon na may iba na.

He pointed the water on the bucket using his mouth while crossing his arms and gave me his malicious smiles.

I rolled my eyes secretly. Nakita na nga niyang umaapaw ang tubig sa batsa ako pa ang inutusan. Mas malapit naman siya doon kaysa sa akin. Mabilis akong lumapit at pinatay ang gripo doon. At dahil malapit siya dito, naramdaman ko ang presensysa nito sa likod ko.

"It's been a while," with his deep voice.

"Oo nga," pagtango ko. Mabilis akong lumayo dito at pumasok sa loob ng hindi ito nililingon.

It's been a while since I left you, and still the only one who's loving you.

KEYMEMOIRS