Along the way ( Province #1 )

Kabanata 34

Months have passed. And I can still remember the pain. Kung sakaling hindi ako nakita noong araw na iyon, malamang wala na ako dito. I tried to escape the pain. But it chased me. That's why I'm still here.

Bumagsak ang tingin ko sa pulso kong may peklat. The painful scar of the past. Ngumiti ako ng mapait. I was a foolish! noong mga araw na ginawa ko iyon, naging sarado ang isip ko sa mga posibleng mangyari. Pain fully devours me. I let my mind to do some irational things. That all I could think was to escape. Pero hindi pala ganoon. Ending your life will never be an escape. It will never be.

"Dear, come, let's eat." Leaning at my door. Mom's gentle voice filled my ears.

Tumango lang ako at inayos na ang nalukot kong kama. Kahit wala akong gana kumain, I need to eat. Kung gusto kong magbago at magpakatatag. Kailangan kong umpisahan sa sarili ko. I need to created a wall. A high and tough wall. A wall of discipline.

Nang makababa, mom and I both went to the kitchen. My father was leaning on his usual chair, with his strict presence, patiently waiting for us. Somehow this situation was like a dejavu. Me being forced to go at the province, against my will. But now, it's just a normal day for us. A simple breakfast, with silence still in the air. No warm smile in the morning, no fresh and cold breeze of the morning.

It's all plain, a tasteless life.

Ibang-iba sa lugar na nakasanayan ko na. Pero kailangan kong umalis. Kung patuloy akong mananatili sa lugar kung saan ako nasasaktan. Para na akong tanga na pinaplastik na lang ang sarili ko.

"How's your school?" A baritone voice asked me. My father.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya bago lunukin ang kinakain. "It's good," simple kong sabi.

Tumango lang ito at hindi na muling nagsalita pa. Ganoon naman lagi, if it isn't about my school, it's about how almost I loose myself. I'm used to it, I will be used to this kind of pain.

"So, what are your plans after you graduate?" said my mother with her gentle smile.

"I don't know yet mom, but probably I'll start from scratch,"

I proudly said. Iyon talaga ang gusto ko. Gusto ko na kapag nakapagtapos ako, mag-uumpisa ako sa mababa, na walang wala. I don't want to be on top not experiencing anything. Especially I don't want to take our company easy as that, just because I'm the daugther's CEO. That kind of phase will never work for me.

"You don't need to start from scratch, you could easily marry Avelino Almazan, that way you could live your life easily," said my father convincing me.

I swallow the lump in my throat. I'm so sick hearing any of it, married there! married everywhere! Fucking marriage! They once made me feel like an object! they wanted me to marry a married man! Na pinagkanlulo nila ako dito kahit alam nilang magiging kabit ako, just for the damn sake of our company? Wow!

I clenched my fist, controlling my anger. It's your father Gracia! Kontrolin mo iyang galit mo! You better have patience.

I sighed. "I won't marry a man just to get an easy life, I can do it on my own. I don't need a man." mariin kong sabi, nakatingin pa rin sa kinakain.

"You need to help our company. Getting you a man will make everything easier, could you at least do that for us?" my father bluntly said to me, slicing the stake on his plate.

Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko at kinuha ang wine na nasa gilid ko, I drank it straight and gave my father a dagger look.

"Dad, I'm your daughter, not an object. I'll marry who I wanted to marry." umangat ang labi ko ng magulat ito sa pagsagot ko ng pabalang. "I don't need a man, just to get the life I wanted."