Along the way ( Province #1 )

Kabanata 32

Noong araw na iyon, nanatili lang ako sa kwarto ko. Pinipilit akong pakainin ni 'Nang Flora, pero wala akong oras para sa ganoon. What have I done!? I'm a fucking mistress! And to think that his wife's pregnant! Anong ginawa ko? I let myself be fooled! ginawa kong kabit ang sarili ko!

"Couz, You need to eat,"

Narinig kong katok ng pinsan ko. Siniksik ko lang ang sarili ko sa dulo ng kama at hindi sumagot. Dalawang araw pa lang ang lumilipas, pero sariwa pa rin sa akin ang nangyari. It feels like it was just yesterday.

"Gracia." he stopped. "I miss you," with his raspy voice.

Napakislot ako ng makilala ko ang boses na tumawag sa pangalan ko. It's Abel.Hindi katulad ni Christian, tahimik lang siyang nag-aabang sa pinto. Kung hindi nakapatay ang ilaw dito mula sa kwarto ko, hindi ko makikita ang anino niya mula sa labas. His shadow along with the luminescene was enough for me to stay, and avoid him.

For days, sa pananatili ko sa loob ng kwarto, I realized so many things. Kapag nakukulong ka sa isang lugar at tanging sarili mo lang ang katunggali mo. The battles are too hard to conquer. But it will gave you a clear vision, what you really need to do.

"Mom, I want to go home." my mother, while we we're video calling.

"Dear, you're already home," she pointed.

Huminga ako ng malalim at umiling sa kanya. "Mom, that's not what I meant, I wan't to go back there. Gusto ko ng bumalik ng Manila." desperado kong sabi.

"Dear, you can't." she said, feeling sorry.

Malalim na ang bawat paghinga ko. Pinipigilang magalit. "Then I'll go home by myself!" desedido kong sabi at pinatay ang tawag.

Babalik ako ng Manila ano man ang mangyari. Ayoko na dito sa lugar na ito! Nasasakal ako!

"Hija,"

I heard 'Nang Flora's voice, calling me. Sa lahat ng mga tao dito, siya lang ang pinapapasok ko. I won't let the others come near me, even my cousin Christian. Especially Abel.

Tumayo ako at binuksan ng kaunti ang pintuan.

"Hija, gusto kang kausapin ng lolo mo."

May iniabot siya sa aking cellphone. Bumagsak ang tingin ko sa hawak nitong cellphone. It's not familiar. Masasabi ko ring hindi ito kay 'Nang Flora dahil makaluma ang gamit nitong cellphone. 

"Whose phone is this Inang?" tanong ko habang nanatili pa ring nakatingin sa hawak niyang cellphone.

"Kay Abel hija,"

Hearing his name was like a poison to me. Bawat banggit ng panglan niya, parang siyang unti-unting pag lamon ng sakit sa buong sistema ko. Pero, sa kanyang cellphone itong hawak ni 'Nang Flora? Did he fucking call my lolo? For what? Para mas mag mukha pa akong tanga? Boba? Kabit? Fuck him then!

Galit man kinuha ko pa rin ang cell phone na hawak nito. Ayoko ng abalahin pa si 'Nang Flora, alam kong abala rin ito. 'Nang Flora left as soon as I took it.

Bumagsak ang tingin ko dito. It was a video call. With my trembling hands I answer the call. Tinapat ko ang mukha sa camera.

"Lo," sa mababaw na boses.

"Dalaga," with his concerned voice.

I bit my lip to suppress my tears. I miss his voice, I badly wanted to tell him what they've done to me. Pero, hindi ko magawa. Masyado akong nilalamon ng hiya dahil sa kasalanang nagawa ko. I don't want lolo to be stress just because of me. I'm ashamed of myself, I've become a mistress.

"Hindi ka raw kumakain?" may galit at pangamba sa boses nito.

"Lo," all I could utter. Afraid that I might break down.

"I want to go home," begging.

"Apo," he sighed and took of his glasses massaging the bridge of his nose. "You know that you can't,"

Ang pinipigilan kong luha ay tuluyan ng tumulo. I can't hold it. Bakit bawal akong umuwi? I'm so sick hearing that I can't go home!

"Lo, please. Convince mom and dad for me," crying.

Lolo looked at me with gentle eyes, he took a deep breath and stood up.

"You know Abel apo?" he asked, for I don't know why.

I tilted my head, and nodded. "I do.'

"I want to tell you this apo, I hate keeping you in the dark. Kaya ako umalis diyan dahil hindi ko magawang makita ka na nahihirapan," feeling sorry.

Naguguluhan man, nagawa kong makinig sa kanya.

"You're parents, want's you to marry Abel hija,"

Suminghap ako at napatayo sa pagkakaupo. My body begun to quiver. They really planned this all along! How could they be!

"Lo, I'm not an object! I'll marry who I wanted to marry!" madiin kong sabi.

"I know, I'm sorry apo. You're mother beg for Abel to marry you, your business was bankrupt hija," with his low voice.

Humihikbi kong binitiwan ang cellphone at binato sa kama. But the phone was still on.

"Lo, do you know that Abel has a wife?" sa paos na boses.

Hindi ako nakarinig ng salita sa kabilang linya. All I could hear was his heavy breath. And even if he didn't he answered it. He knows. They all know! I clenched my fist. Tying to control my anger.

"I'm sorry, apo."

I immediately ended the call. Nang mapatay ko ang tawag malakas kong binato ang cellphone na hawak sa kung saan man. I cried harder and pulled my hair with force. Anticipating that it was just a dream. Pero, hindi. Fuck this life! Mga manloloko! I hate them! I made a big mistake! I committed my own sin! I'm a fucking mistress! And to think that he's wife was pregnant! I'm a big fool! You're hopeless Gracia! I still keep pulling my hair hoping it would ease the pain I feel inside. Pero kahit na anong higit ko rito, hindi mawala-wala ang sakit na nararamdaman ko.

I cried and shouted. At dahil sa ginawa kong iyon, mabilis na bumukas ang pintuan at may pumasok na kung sino man.

"Hey..."

Nang malaman ko ang boses na iyon, mabilis akong tumayo at lumayo sa kanya.

"Don't fucking touch me!" sigaw ko.

Mula sa likod ni Abel, nakita kong naroon na rin si Christian at 'Nang Flora, worried was written all over their faces.

"Don't fucking touch me! I don't want to see you! Leave!" sigaw ko sa paos na boses.

"Gracia..."

"Please..." sabay turo ko sa labas ng pintuan.

My face room was a mess, my face was a mess. So does my life.

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