the show// katy perry

chapter 28: i will try, to fix you.

Jr's POV

I strode over to katy, her small body still shaking, her raven black hair out of place and her head in her hands.

"mom, I'm right here." I whisper, I'm scared but one of us has to be strong.

"you're not close enough."

this was the first real sentence she has formed for a while, but it wasn't my moms voice, it was a small and shattered voice .

Katy pats her lap as she looks up at me, I melt with the familiarity of this situation. At home if she was having a bad day, we would lay in each others arms for countless hours. I know where we are isn't ideal, but nothing in my life is ideal so it fits.

I sit on Katy's lap facing inwards, my arms around her back and my head resting on her chest. I feel my moms warm touch as she completely engulfs me with her arms. She takes a deep breath in and lets out a few more cries as she breathes out. With her head atop of mine, I feel at peace as her chest vibrates while she speaks.

"This is better" my small laugh is muffled, but katy still heard because she soon laughs as well.

"I'm so sorry hunny."

Katy's hands move from my back to my sides pulling me away to make eye contact.

"don't be" I know it's cliché, but it's what katy needs: reassurance.

Katy pulls me close one last time and places a soft kiss on my forehead.

"do you think you're okay to get up?" I break the silence, neither of us wanting to give into reality.

katy sighs and nodds her head as I stood up with my hands out.

Heading into the hotel, It was pristine and fresh and it really didn't suit the mood I was in. Katy perked up a little but that bubble of unhappiness was still present.

Still in silence, katy slides the card that opens our room through the scanner and pushed the door open, as if all the energy she had was put into that simple action.

I feel another pang in my chest as I see the state that the room is in. It's not unhygienic or anything, it's just messy. Clothes on the floor, empty glasses on the table, bags open and a few tissues scattered on the coffee table. This isn't Katy's room, katy doesn't do untidy, she finds joy in cleaning, she says it makes her feel relaxed.

Soon everything was scattered into neater corners and the glasses were in the sink.

"it's really okay" I try to make eye contact but katy just looks down and bites her cracked lips.

I soon only saw her raven black hair get smaller and smaller as she fell onto a wooden seat, perfectly placed in front of the window that looked out over the lights of Sydney.

Katy's small shaking hands held her head, I was ready for more tears but they never came. In a way, that hurt more.

dropping Katy's handbag that I carried from the car and walking over the couch, I picked up a blanket and placed it around her shoulders.

Leaning down so I was at her height, I place my hands either side of her head and look into her piercing blue eyes.

"I love you, I'm here for you, and everything will be fine" Katy's face was still blank but she shut her eyes as I kiss the top of her head, standing up to go put he kettle on.

I couldn't tell if the silence was comforting my mom or not, but I didn't want to make things worse so I just let the noise of the kettle fill the empty room.

"green tea, no sugar, no milk." Fragile hands cling onto the mug like it was a life support.

Something told me that this was a regular thing now, sitting and just watching. Suddenly katy looked the slightest bit content as she sips her tea.

"watch over there, the lights are about to go out."

And as if they heard my mother, the lights in a certain building many blocks away, flickered and turned off completely.

I smiled, knowing how proud katy would feel for that moment. But my smile soon disappears as I realize that if my katy was here, that smile would be plastered on my face and mirrored on my moms.

"that's my cue"

standing up, katy rearranged the blanket, covering her chest and shut the white blinds.