CAGED HEART (COMPLETE)

CHAPTER NINETEEN (Taste of his Prize)

Do or do not. There is no try.

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Leon's POV

            Ghost was calling me, but I was not answering his calls. Wala ako sa mood na makipag-utuan sa kanya. I was pissed because of what happened tonight. I was pissed at Johnny, I was pissed at him, I was angry because Johnny harassed Vie, and I remembered Ghost was flirting with her too. That damn old man. Hindi na lang maghanap ng ka-edad niya.

            Napa-aray ako habang pinapalitan ng gauze ang sugat kong napadugo ni Johnny kanina. Tinapunan ko ng tingin ang white long sleeves polo na suot ko kanina at punong-puno ng dugo iyon. Napabuga ako ng hangin habang marahang pinapatungan pa ulit ang sugat ng gasa. Mabuti na nga lang at hindi bumuka ang tahi.    

            Napahiga ako sa kama at tumitig sa salamin. Wala sa loob na sinalat ko ang labi ko. I could still feel Vie's lips. Her soft lips that were kissing me back. I was expecting her to push me away, hated what I was doing, but she was kissing me back. She was sucking my tongue, pushing me against her. She liked what I was doing to her.

            Mahina akong napamura. Iniangat ko ang ulo at napatingin ako sa pagitan ng hita ko at kitang-kita ko ang pamumukol noon. Damn it. Hindi na ba ito kakalma? Kanina pa ito nang matikman ko ang labi ni Vie.

            Just fuck her, Leon. What's keeping you from fucking her? She is your prize. You can fuck her anytime you want.

            My mind was having a showdown too. Bakit nga ba? Kung tutuusin ay puwedeng-puwede naman talaga. The reason? Because I don't want to be the old Leon anymore. I don't want to be the animal that people were afraid of inside the cage. I am Dustin Matias. An agent, a loving father. I already buried Leon Deaver Kaestner. The ruthless animal that kills people inside the cage. The beast that every woman was trying to get on bed after every fight. I am way past that stage. I am a new person. Dustin Matias was a new person.

            But being with Vie, she was waking up every part of Leon. Every animalistic ritual that I had before, and I don't want that. I don't want her to see what kind of a man I was before. I changed and I don't want to be Leon anymore.

            Napabuga ako ng hangin at bumangon sa kama. Pero mukhang malabo kong magawa na makawala pa pagbabalik ni Leon. Ghost put me in this hole again. He was the reason why I was becoming an animal again. And every part of being Leon was coming back. The rage, the brutality, the heartlessness. If Brandon didn't stop me, Johnny would be dead by now.

            That was why even I was afraid of myself. Because I knew what I could do. Even if they kept on telling me that I could fuck Vie because she was my prize. I don't want to do it. I don't want her to see the horror of what I could do on bed if I was being Leon.

            Tuluyan akong tumayo mula sa kama at dinampot ko ang bote ng whiskey na nakita ko doon at tumungga. Kailangan kong pakalmahin ang sarili ko. Kung ano-ano ang pumapasok sa isip ko. Kailangan kong may gawin. Kinuha ko ang baril ko sa bag at ang panglinis noon. Ito na nga lang ang gagawin ko. Maglilinis na lang ako ng baril para kumalma ako.

            Lumabas ako ng silid at tahimik na tahimik na ang paligid. Napatingin ako sa kuwarto ni Vie at sigurado akong nagpapahinga na rin ito. Mabuti nga iyon. Ayaw ko na muna siyang makita. Huwag ngayong gabi.

            Inilatag ko ang mga gamit na dala ko sa mesa. Kinalas ang bawat parte ng baril at nilinis iyon. Tapos ay ini-assemble ko ulit. Ilang beses ko pang kinasa tapos ay kinakalabit ang gatilyo. Ang bilis ko naman natapos linisin. Nakaka-bored. Kinalas ko ulit. Ini-assemble ulit.