RED | nyukyu ✓

nineteen

𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧 : 𝐝𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭
❝ i knew a big wave would crash
down but my whole universe
is collapsing. ❞
⁻ ⁱᵏᵒⁿ ⁻

ᵕ̈♡˳೫˚∗

chanhee jolted awake, another nightmare haunting him as he held onto his blanket tightly. he glanced towards the other side of the room and saw younghoon still in a deep slumber and quietly, chanhee had gotten up, walking gingerly on his toes and taking his jacket. silently, he opened the door and headed out with his phone and earpieces in hand.

as he walked down the empty dorm hallways and out into the quiet streets, chanhee placed the earpieces into his ears, softly playing calming songs to ease his nerves, walking along the empty sidewalks of their university.

taking deep breaths, he eventually found himself standing before the gates of their university and sitting down on the pavement, watching the lights in the opposite buildings switch on and off.

looking through his camera roll, he found the video he had been looking for and pressed play, letting their voices fill his ears. he closed his eyes and pictured their smiles and their comforting words that never failed to make him feel as though he belonged.

"i miss you two," chanhee muttered, finally opening his eyes and watching as they danced to a silly song during one of his birthday parties. back then, everything had been so simple and if he could, he knew he would wish to always go back to that time.

a cold breeze flew past, chanhee zipping his jacket up and blowing on his hands, appreciating the momentary warmth that he felt everytime he did so.

as the night got colder and most of the lights had turned off, chanhee still refused to move, his head so overwhelmed with thoughts that he knew even if he returned to his room, he wouldn't even be able to get a wink of sleep.

out of nowhere, he felt a blanket being placed on his shoulders and he looked back to find younghoon in his pajamas and an oversized jacket zipped all the way up. without a word, younghoon sat down next to chanhee, fixing the blanket to make sure that chanhee was entirely covered.

"how'd you know i'd be here?" younghoon shrugged, bringing his knees towards himself.

"i guess i just know you well enough," younghoon replied, offering him a gentle smile that had been illuminated thanks to the lamps that lined the pavement. "something on your mind?"

chanhee had about a million and one things on his mind, an endless barrage of unwarranted thoughts mixed with doubt and questions he could never find the answers for. yet, when asked about it, he could never quite state what was on his mind, everything becoming so messy that not a single coherent idea could be made out.

"did i wake you?" chanhee asked, younghoon shaking his head and shifting closer to chanhee. "liar, i know i did and i apologise for that."

younghoon brushed aside his apology and gently gave chanhee a side hug, something that in normal circumstances, he would never accept. this time however, he let the older boy's warmth engulf him, desperately seeking for any form of comfort that can kill the jitters he felt from his nightmare. and, if it coudn't kill it entirely, at the very least, it could provide him a momentary solace which he thought he deserved.

"i'm sleepy but i can't sleep," chanhee stated, a soft laugh escaping his lips as he heard himself out loud. to him, it sounded stupid — how was it possible to feel one thing but feel the complete opposite simultaneously? chanhee didn't know but all he knew was that he couldn't comprehend his own words (perhaps due to the lack of sleep and his fever that on hindsight, he should've cared more about). "i've been spending too much time with ji changmin that i think i'm starting to not make sense," chanhee mumbled, younghoon still hugging him.

"you can always try falling asleep now," younghoon said, receiving a glare from chanhee. "i'll carry you back to the room if you do fall asleep."

amidst the hurricane which were his thoughts, a coherent statement had finally appeared.

i must've been a great person in my past life to have someone like you in my present day.

but, he couldn't quite voice his words, instead nodding and resting his head on younghoon and slowly, he felt himself falling asleep in the warmth of younghoon's embrace.

ᵕ̈♡˳೫˚∗

changmin felt his knees buckle, catching his breath as he let himself fall onto the ground with a loud thud. he stared at the ceiling and let the cold floor cool him down.

after their showcase, changmin had reviewed his parts and although no one had said anything, he knew that it was not up to the standard of the top scorer and the captain of their school's dance team.

so he went to practice, putting his heart and soul into every move and critiquing himself for every small mistake he made. he disregarded the time and how majority of the people had left the building and got completely absorbed into his dancing, the music blaring and drowning out any of the phone calls he had received reminding him to catch a break even as he practiced.

minutes turned into hours until eventually, it had become 3am with his body choosing to stop the practice itself, shutting down on him and causing him to feel extraordinarily numb and weak.

once he had sat up, he looked at himself in the mirrors of the dance studio and sighed,  taking big gulps of water as his breathing slowly returned to normal.

standing up on his wobbly legs, changmin had approached his phone again to play the music but was met with darkness, the lights turning off and leaving him in the eerie silence of the night.

"why now?" changmin asked, clicking his tongue and thinking that the universe was actively doing its part to make sure that he didn't force himself too much.

silently cursing at the lights, he packed his bag and made his way out, walking out of the building and towards the dorms.

as he walked, he saw a familiar boy carrying a blanket across the school premises and with curiosity getting the better of him, he decided to follow younghoon from a distance, wondering why a boy such as himself would ever be wandering around at 3am.

eventually, he saw another familiar boy sitting down on the pavement with younghoon draping the blanket over him. 

changmin would've been lying if he said he didn't feel the slightest tinge of jealousy. but when younghoon had pulled chanhee into a hug, all changmin could see was green, the green-eyed monster taking full control over him and causing changmin to feel everything yet nothing all in one go.

again, he felt as though he couldn't move, hiding behind the wall of the gates as he tried to compose himself and to stop his heart from shattering.

he knew he had no right to feel jealous over someone who didn't even reciprocate his feelings but just because he was aware of that fact didn't make anything hurt less.

eventually when younghoon walked past him with a sleeping chanhee in his arms, changmin felt as though the victor in the battle between who had chanhee's heart had already been chosen, changmin's heart sinking when he realised that that victor wasn't him.

ᵕ̈♡˳೫˚∗

author's note:

uk i used to always say i wont write love triangles but look at where i am now 😀

my second lead syndrome is going insane right now guys its lowkey a problem