𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐎𝐌

5| C I N Q U E

ALESSANDRO'S POV
[ one of our favorites ]

It was a late night in my office. The sky was dark holding the moon, shining from my glass window. I've always preferred nights over mornings. Nights hold silence, loneliness, peace and definitely beauty. It's relaxing, working under the moonlight was one of my favorite things to do. It inspires me somehow, nights hold power and darkness, things that resemble me.

I remember when I was a freshman in college, before I took over the mafia. I would sneak out at two in the morning, go on top of the roof and watch the stars glow upon my head. I would stay there for hours, thoughts running through my mind. I would watch the sunrise then sneak back to my dorm. I don't know what it was that made me so attached to the nights, they were a source of my happiness, creation and inspiration. Who knew I would be here one day. Young Alessandro would have never imagined this moment.

I felt my lips curl up into a smile at the thought that I made it. I was finally someone I could make my younger self proud of. My life was tough, I was going through loads of shit at the time. My father never wanted me to go to college, he would always say college was useless. It wouldn't make me a stronger leader, that I was weak for choosing career over family.

I was thrown into fights, missions from a very young age. I learned about each kind of guns and drugs from the age of eight. I got my first gun when I was four-teen. My father always made sure I trained a lot and worked on my skills each chance I had. Sometimes he would make me skip school for training.

I don't hate my father, I'm thankful he put me under the pressure to be better, the best version of myself. He would always remind me "If you think you're doing great, there's better" I know it might sound harsh and it's not quite the way to motivate your son, but it helped a lot through my life. My father never showed emotions towards me. He could be proud of me, happy with where I've become and what I have achieved but never utter a word. He would only point out my weaknesses, my failure.

He taught me, no matter who you're close with, even your own family, your own father. They'll always point the worst out of you to make you fall, to make you feel like you're nothing. So never give people something they could use against you. I didn't grow up with an abusive father, I grew up with an unemotional father which affected me, not physically but mentally.

I'm not going to act like his presence didn't matter to me, not having him standing by my side the day of my graduation was one of the worst feelings I ever felt. People who don't have parents do live with it, continue life and deal with it, but there will always be this part that's missing. My father was there and surely alive. He could have simply shown the slightest emotion, yet he never did.

Some days I would think I was the problem. I wasn't good enough and all of this was for nothing. Being his only son, I wanted to make him proud, glad to be called my father. I worked, and got back up for him at some points, to make him see the best in me, yet he only saw the worst. He would yell at me in front of guests, family members and even our workers. He wanted me to get embarrassed and ashamed of who I was. He thought that was the way of making me stronger, tougher. Even if it was an effective way, that made me unemotional and heartless, it damaged a part of me that I can never have back.

We weren't close, I would only see him when he visited to watch me train. I wasn't allowed to speak with him, he was too busy with the mafia. At the time there was a lot of war and betrayal. He would let me watch people getting torture, mostly people who disobeyed him. And now when I look at it, I don't have time, even for myself. My whole life is about keeping everything on line and taking care of the mafia at mornings, nights, every second—chance you put your heart and time on your family. The people who trust you with their lives, the people who feel protected by you. You can't let them down. Give up anything, anyone, yourself for the people who live under you, under your protection. I care about my men, each one of them. I try my best to make them feel safe and happy but if they're dead, they're dead.