Sorellina

15 - numb

they completely forgot about the note.

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Chapter 15 : numb

I woke up and I felt nothing. I felt no pain, no sadness, no anger, nothing at all. I felt numb. I got out of bed, I don't remember going to bed yesterday. I showered, put on new clothes, brushed my teeth and combed my hair and all the time I felt nothing. It's like I'm trapped, trapped in my own head. I'm trapped and no one realizes it, and I can't free myself. My body moves by itself, as if my brain and body are no longer connected. I remember everything, the shopping, Valentino's sun glasses, the man with the goatee and the note. But still I feel nothing. It's as if everything I don't do intrudes on me.

I walk down the hallway, not knowing where I am going. I look at the walls, at the tiles, but it doesn't come to me. My mind is a chaos, and yet it is completely silent in my head. The silence before a storm? I hold out my arm and my hand touches to wall and so I walk on. My hand passing over the wall as I walk around aimlessly.

I feel broken, as if my body might give out at any moment. I am exhausted, I have no energy left. I have fallen into a deep black pit and there is no way out. There is no ladder, through which I can climb up and get out of the hole. And there is no one to catch me below either. I am all alone, alone with the darkness. The darkness that whispers softly, but I don't understand what it is saying. Even though I don't understand what the darkness is saying, it sounds tempting. To just... give up and just let the darkness take me. To just close my eyes, and never open them again.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't realize someone was standing in front of me. I run into a strong chest and fall backwards, ready to fall into the darkness. But just in time, someone grabs me by my waist and holds me back so I don't fall. I look up and see that it's Lorenzo. His mouth opens, he's talking, but I don't hear any noise. I can't hear what he's saying. I only hear the darkness calling me, saying he is waiting for me. That he will always be there for me, that he will embrace me. I stare at Lorenzo, without really seeing him.

"Eleanor," Lorenzo says, but it doesn't get through to me. The darkness is getting closer, and I'm still falling through the hole.

"Eleanor!" Says the voice louder. I am shaken, but I don't feel it. It's as if the darkness is smiling at me and welcoming me. I've never been welcomed anywhere, never felt like someone was happy to see me. But the darkness makes me feel like it is happy. It is so... soothing.

"Eleanor Ricci!" Lorenzo is yelling, but it sounds like a soft whisper of the wind. I feel myself being lifted up, but it doesn't penetrate me. Lorenzo starts walking down the hallways with me in his arms and then down a flight of stairs. Meanwhile, he shouts all kinds of things, but again I don't hear it. It's as if his words come in one ear and go out the other.