Addictive minds (18+)

Lust

Me offering my virginity might sound crazy. When I said it out loud, even I wondered if it was insane of me. But that was just the way our dynamics worked. We said just about everything to each other. I knew so much of him I could write a full-on memoir. And he knew me, very well. We didn't lie, because there was no reason for it. We could fight, but in ten minutes we would be laughing and joking on the couch. Was the idea of my best friend having sex with me for the first time really that weird? I made a list in my head

1. Fede was handsome and part of me always had this admiration for him. When he did simple things, like fixing my bike when I drove a flat tire. I know girls should be less depending on man. But the arms on Fede when he wrestled my bike..

2.I had known Fede for 11 years and he never made me cry. And that is something because I am a sensitive person and Fede isn't. He always does his best to treat me right. So, I know I can trust him when he has sex with me.

3. He has experience. Little hypocritical, but I would like someone with experience. So, I can be an idiot and still get away with it. Fede goes to parties and meets lots of girls, once I walked in on him, having sex in the shed. I wanted to crawl my own eyes out.

4. Comfort. I heard the horror stories about girl losing their V-card. Not thrilled about a bloody vagina. They say it helps if you're comfortable and relaxed. I can't imagine myself nervous around Fede. And he has seen me naked before. By accident.

5. I've seen him naked once or twice.

Is it me or is that a great list? Yes, he was my best friend. But I really don't think it will affect us that much. And no, I wasn't in love with him but I did love him. Why should I wait until I find prince Charming, who said he even exists?
Fede always said there is a difference between lust and love, so what if I just want to have my lust. So, I can take my time in the love department. I was great at this, trying to convince myself. But there was still Fede who didn't seem that enthusiast. That's point two of my lists, he looked out for me. But I wasn't a child anymore. So, he didn't have to treat me like a porcelain doll.

'Dad do you still believe in true love?'. My dad, looked over the counter in his white apron. I was sitting at one of the tables studying for finals. I hoped Fede would practice too but i had a strong feeling all he would do was take care of his dads problems.
It was just me and my dad in the shop, my dad turned around the sign about an hour ago and he was just cleaning up while I studied for finals. I could see my dad's surprise and also a little awkwardness talking about this subject. It was because my mom left us when I was just two years old. She couldn't handle being a mother. She told my dad she wasn't made for a simple life. Now with every birthday she just sends me a card with fifty bucks in it. Last year she even forgot that.
If she had forgotten my birthday when I was younger, I would cry. Her card was something I looked forward to all year. But being friends with Fede, who had lost his mom so early in life by cancer actually helped and gave me some comfort. With Mother's Day when all the kids made present for their mothers, we would just make each other something. Over the years i had gotten so many mother's day gifts from Fede it was almost creepy.

My dad laid down the cloth he was cleaning with and shook his head. 'Jade, do you have a boyfriend? Your only sixteen!'. My dad immediately asked me. Before i could answer him he asked his next question. 'Is it Fede?'. I frowned and shook my head. 'You think it could be Fede?'. He pressed his lips tight and shrugged his shoulders. 'I hope not. Don't get me wrong, I love Fede like he's my own son. But he is a little, how do I say this nicely, impulsive'. I laughed and shook my head. 'Well, I don't have a boyfriend and Fede is just my friend. So can you just answer my question?'.
He came from behind the counter and sat down next to me on one of the wooden stools. 'Sure, i do Jade'. He said it so easily, like it wasn't even a question. 'Even after mom?'. 'Darling, I have to believe there is something like true love. But maybe it's just not something that has too last forever. Like your mom, yes, it's over and she's gone, but I also had amazing years with her. Back then that was true love to me. And I still think it was, otherwise it wouldn't have hurted so much when it ended'.
I felt bad for my dad. He had to raise me all by himself all while making sure the bakery survived the economic crisis. He never had time off for himself yet he never once complained. 'Do you believe in true love?'. My dad kindly asked. I shrugged my shoulders. 'I guess so. But I'm just thinking about something Fede said. That love and lust are different things'. He nodded. 'You can love somebody without desiring them and you can desire someone without loving them. It's true, but why not wish for both?'. I shook my head. 'I don't know. I'm just trying to figure out what I'm looking for. What's important to me'. My dad smiled. 'Maybe in two years?'. Typical dad thing to say. 'Dad, sixteen is a good age to have a boyfriend. Fede has had lots of girls'. He looked amused. 'Does he believe in true love?'. I shook my head. 'I don't think so. But I think Fede is the type of guy who'll fall in love like a plane crashing down, when he finds the right girl'. My dad didn't seem so sure but didn't speak out his doubts. 'Just take you time Jade. You're a smart girl, you'll figure things out. Just don't rush or feel any pressure to do everything 'the right way'. Just do what's good for you'. My dad gave great advice.
Maybe the reason I didn't miss my mom that much was because of this. I had the best father in the world. He was kind, funny and caring. He never judged me and I could tell him anything. 'About doing what feels right. I asked Fede to homecoming because I don't want to go with one of the weird guys from school'. He nodded, he didn't look that surprised. 'Fede, in a suit'. He grinned and stood up. 'Come on honey, let's get home. School starts tomorrow and i don't want to drag you out of your bed'.
As we turned off the light and closed shop I kept thinking about love and lust. I should have another talk with Fede. Maybe if i explained my point of few he wouldn't reject the idea.