Addictive minds (18+)

Honesty

I didn't see Fede leave and when I asked my friend, they just told me the same. He just snuck out like a thief in the night right after paying for all our food. My friends were thrilled by that and kept calling him a gentleman; he was. He had always been a gentleman and for a man-whore he was also very woman friendly. Yes, we could fight like a married couple but he was still gentle in his ways.
Needless to say; I never went to college the next morning. I woke up at one o'clock in the afternoon by my phone vibrating next to my ear. Drool had actually dried up on my cheeks and the silver glitters dress left marks on my arm from pressing in to my skin half the night. Yes, I fell asleep in my dress. My roommate Hanna, the sour German girl with the icy chilled faces probably judged me hard this morning after she woke up. We weren't the best of friends. We just accepted each other being here. But barely.
I searched for my phone and picked up. 'Yea?'. I said, kind of grumpy for someone waking me up. I could hear Fede laugh on the other side of the phone; that laugh I could recognize at any time. My eyes shot open and was immediately sitting up straight. 'Feddy?'. I asked to be sure it was him; but I knew. 'Yes, it's me. Twenty-five and I'm still being called Feddy by you. No one has called me that in years!'. I could hear traffic noises rush behind his voice in the background. 'Did I wake you?'. He asked when I didn't respond to him right away. Frankly; me sitting up straight didn't prevent me from nodding off again. I was so hungover. 'Sorry, I got really drunk last night. I'm still wearing my dress'. I admitted. He didn't laugh about that and just said; 'That's rough, Jady. Send me your address and I'll bring you lunch or breakfast in your case'. My heart started to pound. 'I look like shit; I have to clean myself up'. I sounded like I was complaining and I hoped it wouldn't scare him away. Who was I kidding? I wanted to see him so badly. 'I will just remind myself of how you looked last night, you're a stunner anyways'. I laughed and send him my location.
He whistled. 'College girl; I like that!'. He said pleased as he got in a cab. I could hear a cab stop in front of him and then I heard him close the door. 'Universitat de Barcelona'. He said to the driver; I wondered if he spoke Spanish fluently like me. 'I'm not going to be a college girl for long, I'm almost done'. I climbed out of bed and looked in the mirror. 'Jesus!'. I said as I scared myself with my own reflection. He couldn't see me like this. 'What?'. He said with a panic in his voice. 'Nothing, I looked in the mirror'. He sounded amused by me getting scared. 'Jade, just get in a shower and clean yourself up. I got plenty of time today so I can wait if you're not done yet. I haven't been thinking about anything else than seeing you again'. He admitted without any shame. I promised him to clean myself up and then he hanged up after saying bye.
I just stormed to the bathroom and tore of the dress that definitely wasn't made for sleeping. I washed away the thick layers of makeup baked on my face and washed the smell of cigarette smoke out of my hair. I never got ready this quick but in 15 minutes I was drying my hair while wearing a yellow summer dress. I should get a medal for being this fast.
I heard a knock on the door and rushed to open it. Fede looked so out of place at a university and I wondered if he had ever been at a university.
He was wearing army green capri pants and a white polo t-shirt. He looked effortlessly flawless and way more casual than last night in his green suit. It annoyed me that he looked this good without breaking a sweat. Meanwhile, I had been in a fight with my hair for half of those fifteen minutes. 'Do you always look like a model these days?'. I asked him confused. He laughed as he got in. 'I imagined you looking like one of the Jersey Shore people after a night out. You look great, Jade'. He walked around my room and looked disturbed. 'Jesus, do your life together with Marilyn Manson or something like that?'. I looked at the black sheets and gothic features on Hanna's side of the room. 'Don't start; she'll murder you and kill me for fun in my sleep'. He looked confused as he faced towards my side of the room, the difference was enormous.
My wall was orange with lots of pictures from people back home like my dad and my two best friend. I hadn't seen them in years and staying connected with them was something a struggle but they were still important to me. There were over fifty pictures on that wall and I knew Fede looked for himself between all these people. He was somewhere on my wall. 'I like your side of the room better'. He said calmly as his eyes drifted over a photo him and me. I printed them out in black and white but the original picture was in colour. This picture was old; we were really young back there. It was us in my dad's backyard. I was dressed up as a butterfly meets a princess while Fede wore a fireman hat and jacket. In our hand we held fake microphones and sang trough them. I liked the picture but somehow, I felt a little vulnerable when he looked at it hanging above my bed. 'Can you still remember that moment?'. He asked me amused. I shook my head because I couldn't. He laughed. 'I can; we had a fight right before this moment. You wanted to be a butterfly and a princess and I told you to pick one; like that's such an important thing'. I laughed and looked at him while he looked at the picture. 'You told me you could be whatever you wanted and I needed to keep my big mouth shut, so I did'. Fede found my eyes and twitched his brows. 'Even back then you were feisty'. I didn't say anything back to him and just grinned.
Turning away from my picture wall, he said; 'So I wanted to bring you lunch, but then I though; let's just have lunch somewhere'. I frowned at him. 'Didn't you go out last night? How come your so upbeat?'. He smiled amused. 'I've been sort of sober for a while, I didn't drink last night. You should try it'. He teased. I saw he still made jokes about serious things. Him, just casually throwing out the fact that he had been sober for a year now. So, at one point he was an alcoholic. Like I thought he was becoming the last time that I had spoken to him.
I just rolled my hair up in a bun and grabbed my purse; ready to go with him. He laid his hand on my back as he walked me out. It wasn't a big deal but my whole body stiffened as he did. I wanted to jump him and pull down his pants almost as much as I wanted to yell at him for being a drunk. 'Why did you have to get sober?'. I asked him. He looked at me and still was playing it cool. 'Because I drank too much'. He said, stating out the obvious. He just tough he was being so clever. But if he wanted to see me this bad, he was going to talk to me. Without running away.
I stopped walking as he avoided my question. 'Are you going to give me this kind of answers all day?'. He didn't answer because I wasn't done speaking. 'If you are, I will turn back and go sleep off my hangover. It has been five years since you've ditched me, Fede. After promising you wouldn't ever leave me alone. And now you turn up looking like a fucking golden boy being all fun and jokes about the fact that you were a drunk?'. I yelled at him; I was so angry. And my anger surprised me. I had been so happy to finally see him. So I hadn't been paying attention to how much he had pained me.
He might have new friend that were good with him being okay all the time. People that didn't dare to ask him how he was doing. But I wasn't that person and I had come way too far to feel guilty about caring for another person. 'You want me to tell you I am just like my dad? That I ruined everything good in my life after I left home?' He calmly asked but I could see emotions rising up. 'Jade, if you would have seen me five years ago when I came here you would have been horrified'. He looked disgusted by himself. 'It was like a plane that crashed down and I was every piece of it. I had been low before I left but when I got here, I just went on a bender for years. Every time I talked to you, I had to try and act sober but I knew I wasn't fooling you because I never could. You were always in to me'. I blinked in surprise. 'So, you just stopped talking to me?'. Here we were in the hallway of my dorm room; already at the brink of crying and we hadn't even been around each other for more than ten minutes. 'I thought that if I just took some time to get sober and straighten up; I would call you. Show you I'm not just problems for you and a person you could be proud off'. He took a big breath between his sentences. 'But then I created this app in the midst of this fucking mess, can you believe that?
And it was actually by luck very fucking in demand. I sold it for a shit ton of money. Then I was suddenly depressed, a drunk and filthy rich. I just lost it Jady'. I just looked at him in disbelief 'Only you can get rich while being drunk and depressed'. I tried to joke but I sounded kind of angry, still. 'Yeah, tell me about it'. I took his hand and smiled. 'I'm really hungry, let's go for lunch'. He didn't walk with me and kept standing there. 'What?'. I asked confused. 'I want to do things differently this time, Jade. I want to be honest with how I'm feeling since that was what broke us apart the last time'. I nodded; happy he wanted to talk to me. 'So, I have to tell you something first and knowing you.. it will freak you out'. Here it was and then it came. 'I've been sober most off the time for these last few months but it's really hard for me not to drink. Sometimes I slip up and make mistakes'. I looked at him and pulled on his hand again. 'Nobody is perfect all the time. Let's just have lunch first, Feddy'. I said as he looked really scared to tell me. This guy was just a reality show on his own. But I didn't need him to be perfect; I just needed him to be honest about not being perfect.
I was sitting at the little table next to Fede. It was a small café with big windows and cushions in those windows; people were sitting there as they calmly looked out into the busy streets. The interior was all buttery yellow colours and baby blues. It was a pleasant combination of colours that made me feel like it was always time for brunch in this place.
Behind the bar waitresses were talking casually to each other as they made the orders for people sitting at the tables.
Fede was drinking black coffee and I was having water and a coffee. My mouth was as dry as an old biscuit from all the booze so I needed some water first. Then caffeine to keep up with Fede's high energy. 'So, you like to drink?'. I calmly asked him to start up the conversation. He moved the little spoon around in his coffee. 'Yes, I would rather have been a drug addict'. He didn't look to me as he spoke; he was embarrassed. 'Because your dad was an alcoholic?'. He looked at me in surprise when I took a guess and was right. I wondered how many people knew about his past now a days. 'I really hated him for being like that; for just completely letting go of all his responsibilities and just gvetting hammered all the time. And now I am exactly like him, Jade. I feel so embarrassed when I think of it'. I touched his hands; my fingers gradually gliding over his knuckles. 'Your nothing like your dad, Feddy. I know both of you and whatever he contributed when you were created, I don't see it. You're a good person; caring and kind. And yes, you have your flaws and all. You bottle everything up and are really good at acting tough while you'll slowly crumble. But that doesn't make you your dad; you're not evil Feddy'. He rubbed his eyes and looked really torn up when I told him he wasn't evil, had he really convinced himself otherwise? 'Fede, are you unhappy?'. He blew out air and tried to keep his composure. 'I shouldn't be unhappy. I have literally everything I could ever wish for in my life. Jade, I have so many friends and yet I have never felt more alone than I do right now. It's just all fake; Empty and really fucking lonely'. I never heard Fede being this honest. Maybe even he got tired from acting like he was fine. 'And still you didn't think of calling home?'. He shook his head like he didn't even doubt it. 'Honestly, I don't think I would have ever called. The thought of you knowing I'm really fucking up gives me anxiety. I thought you would be so disappointed, Jady'. Was I a judgmental person? Did I ever give him the feeling he couldn't make a mistake? Maybe I did. 'Fede, I was disappointed when you didn't call. But I will love you in any state I get you'. He bit his lip and nodded. 'Honestly, I think I just missed you all these years. That why I'm lonely; you were always there. We did everything together. And I know it it's really selfish but the fact that I didn't break down sooner was all because of you. I would have killed myself after the fire; I really would have and you got me through it'. The thought off that pained me so much and as Fede emptied out his heart I just felt relieve that I found him again. 'Well, I'm here now Fede'. His eyes were round and unsure. 'Sure?'. I laughed 'Fede, you're so stupid sometimes! You know that right? We're friends; the best of friends. We don't judge. I swear if you would have told me you had killed someone, I still would have been your friend. No matter what you do I will be there for you until the day you actually die. From old age; nothing else'. He breathed out in relieve and turned his hand so he was now holding me. 'I just want you to know everything before you hop back in to a long-time friendship. I am still, a little bit of an alcoholic'. I rolled my eyes. 'I'm not going to unfriend you on Facebook because you have a problem. Your smart Fede; you get through it'. He smiled. 'You always say that'. I nodded. 'Because I really believe you will; everything is temporary'. I told him. 'We're not'. He said; calming himself down a bit. 'We always find our way back to each other. You can't believe how many times I was on the verge of flying back home to you. I've been gone away for so long and I still call that town my home. I hated it there when I left and now, I can't help but miss its simplicity'. I laid my head against his broad shoulder and smiled at him. He smiled back at me as he kissed me on the head. He needed to be careful with his kisses, I wasn't flawless either; I was horny.

That reminded me of last night. 'How was your date?'. I asked amused, knowing he wasn't in to her. 'She grabbed your dick in the middle of that restaurant. I never seen you shocked by the thought of sex before'. He laughed and nodded. 'Well, she didn't sleep over if that's what you want to know. I was happy when I got her into a cab'. I laughed really hard and just shook my head. 'Your friends were kind of keen on you getting laid'. I nodded. 'I have been really busy with school; so, there wasn't much time for fun'. He nodded. 'Do you still want to be a lawyer?'. I shook my head and felt kind of nervous to tell him what I chose as a profession. 'No, I decided I didn't want that after all. I'm going to be a psychiatrist in a couple of weeks; Seemed like a good plan since I like helping others'. He nodded amused. 'That's actually perfect for you. So, in a couple of months, I have to pay you to care for me'. He joked. 'Yes, and since you're a rich boy I won't be handing out freebies, Feddy'. He nodded and smiled. 'I have a couple of 'friends' that could use you; you'll be rich by the end of valentine next year'. I giggled. 'Your friends sound super lovely; Can't wait to meet them'. I sarcastically pointed out. 'Well, I would love for you to meet them but I'm going to Hawaii in a week; for work'. My face dropped; I just got him back! 'Who goes to Hawaii for work? And you leaving already makes me kind of sad'. He gave me a guilty smile. 'I go to Hawaii for work; it's fun'. He said amused, kind of happy with being a little rich boy. 'I've been talking with some partners about a new app to develop, it's kind of nerdy. Do you have a lot of classes next week?'. I shook my head and felt happy to say I didn't. 'No, today was my last day and I missed it. I have two weeks off now and then I only have to hand in my final scripture'. He smiled really naughty; had I missed something? 'What?'. He frowned. 'What?'. He repeated me and I now knew I had missed something. 'Come with me! We can spend time together there'.
I blinked. 'You think I can just hop on a plane to Hawaii? If that was the case; I would have seen my dad in the last five years Fede. I work as a waitress and bartender'. He smiled kindly. 'You think I would invite you to Hawaii and let you pay for it? You would be my lovely guest'. I just couldn't comprehend what was happening. 'Just say yes, Jady! We would have so much fun; like old times'. Our old times didn't happen at tropical places; they happened at a lake or a movie theatre. Fede was ready to beg; he really wanted me to come with him. 'Are you sure, Fede? You don't have to buy my friendship. I would be your friend anywhere; even in a shed'. He laughed. 'I know, I don't have to buy anything for you and that's exactly why I want you to come with me. To thank you for everything you've done for me'. I couldn't believe I agreed to go with him but the thought of being with him made me nod in agreement. 'Okay, let's do this'. We both laughed in excitement as I started to think about all the fun we would have.