Broken [h.s]

Chapter 22

Hope you all enjoy, I love you all <3

I've been walkin' through a world gone blind

Can't stop thinkin' of your diamond mind

Careful creature made friends with time

He left her lonely with a diamond mind

And those ocean eyes

Ocean Eyes - Billie Eilish 

Harry's POV

I fucked up.

I fucked up big time.

It's not like it is a new thing with me I screw things up all the time. It just usually I don't care if I do, but with her it's different. I can't stop the nagging feeling in my bones that is telling me to fix it. 

My skin is itching for me to just call her and apologize or just to do something to make it right. It feels like when you are holding in such a big secret to everyone and you're going to explode if you don't just tell someone.

On one hand though there's the logical side of my brain telling me to let it be. Let her be. That it's better that way.

She will be safer if she has nothing to do with me. It's already worse because I truly do care about her. If something were to happen to her because of me I don't what I would do with myself. 

Do I love her, no. I do know that and I know I can't ever let it get that far. If people found the one thing that I loved they would use it against me, by hurting them just to get to me. Just like they had done in the past. There's also the promise I made to myself that I would never love again, I know I said I wouldn't care for anyone and look where that got me. So I can't fall for her, I can't. 

It's simple I just won't let myself.

I won't.

Today would be the sixth day of not talking to Julianna. Only six days and I feel this terrible for treating her the way I did. 

Everything would've been fine if she would have just minded her own damn business. Yet I know she really had every right to question me. I also know the more I think about it that I actually never told her I didn't want to answer her question. All I said the first time was 'work stuff' the she ranted nothing but the truth to me and I said that I already had said enough, but I never really did.

I mean I could've just lied and said it was full of gym stuff and get away with it, but no I had to flip my shit on her. 

Should I lie to her? No probably not, but it's not like I can say oh yeah it's full of fake I.Ds, couple guns, and drugs. Oh, but you don't need to worry it's all fine and not illegal at all. Why do you carry a gun she might ask, which I reply 'oh you know just to use it...not legally though'. 

No you can't tell her that, hell you can't tell anyone that except people who are in the same line of work. 

"Harry if you don't fucking pay attention, I'm not playing theses games with you" My dads voice roars causing me to jump slightly and look up at him forgetting all about Julianna.