Broken [h.s]

Chapter 27

You see her when you close your eyes

Maybe one day, you'll understand why

Everything you touch surely dies

Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go

Let her go - Passenger

Harry's POV

"Harry stop" Louis frantic voice echos through the wind as he gabs my arm jerking me back. 

He doesn't understand. He thinks he does, but he doesn't. He doesn't understand that I can't lose her. I may have been able to live without Clair after, but that's the thing. I wasn't living, I was just breathing. Through the five years until Julianna I haven't been living at all. My body was just doing its best to send oxygen to my lungs. Even though my brain and heart wished it wouldn't have at times.

Truth be told there was a part of me that wished a drop would go wrong every now or then, or my rivals would at least try to go through with the ideas that race through their mind. 

Now you asked? 

Now my hands start to shake every time I step out of my house. Now I check my back two times instead of one. All because the thought of never being able to see Julianna again makes me so sick to my stomach. Not the kind of sickness where you drink some sprite take a tum and it goes away. No the kind if nauseousness that keeps you up at night humming slowly, just hoping you won't throw up your guts. 

It is even worse now, so much worse. Now I know that when...if  she wakes up, I will have to tell her goodbye. I will tell her that I was wrong and she can't be in my life, that I don't want her in it. It's a lie of course. The biggest fucking lie I will ever  tell, but it's the only way I know she won't resist it. 

She always just wants everyone around her to be happy, even when she's not.

"It's the only way Lou" My voice shakes, but I don't care. I just don't care anymore. 

What's the point to when the only thing you care about is unconscious and you don't know if they will wake up or not? Nothing matters anymore.

"No it's not, you know that. If you do this it will break her completely" That's where he's wrong though, she's stronger than that. 

She's stronger than she knows, she will be okay. 

She's stronger than I'll ever be.

"Yes it is, I can't keep her safe anymore. She will never be safe in my life, I always knew that. I was selfish though, so fucking selfish. Now because of me she might die! Are you listening she's laying in there unconscious bleeding from the head, all because of me. I just can't let her be around me. Not now, I can't risk it anymore. She's- she will be okay." I choke out before pausing, but only for a minute because my voice hums out again.

"You didn't see it happen Lou I did! My dad did that, my fucking dad! Imagine if-if one of my enemies got to her. Like they got to Clair. Then I'd know for a fact she wouldn't wake up" This time my voice is quieter, unsure if I truly wanted to speak or not. Some things are better left un-said.