I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE paid more attention to the google maps when claire arrived to that big gray beachfront.
"where are we?" i ask claire as she parks the car in the stone-filled driveway.
"this is my grandmas beach house." she says, putting her keys into her bag.
i turn to face her.
"well is she here?" id rather not have an elderly woman be here, just claire is enough.
"no. it's her summer house, but i know where she keeps the keys." claire smirks and climbs out of the car.
i hurry out to follow her up a staircase leading to the beach-house.
she loops around to a deck, overlooking the water. it's clearing up and the blue sky is reflecting on the surface of the water.
"i think she's gonna sell it. the house." claire says while we place our hands on the railing.
"my grandma." she further explains.
"i only came here once this summer; on the first day of school. i came alone like a loser." she laughs off, but i know it's deeper than that.
"sav and raquelle wouldn't do this type of stuff, unless it involved parties and whatever."
"it's how i broke my wrist, i was running back from the water and tripped on a rock."
"oh, really?" why is she telling me this?
"i felt horrible that i didn't go here this summer."
i bite the insides of my mouth and turn to the left to see claire's eyes fixated on the water.
"and the one time i did, i broke my wrist." she steps away from the railing. when she does, she pulls out a disposable camera from her small purse. she snaps a picture of the house, one where i tried to look away from hoping she wouldn't catch me in the photo.
she starts heading towards a sliding door, and i quickly catch up. we walk inside to reveal a large living room area, dining table, and extensive kitchen.
"want a drink?" she says, heading for the fridge.
"just water." i respond.
"you're not the one driving you know; live a little." she laughs.
"water, please." i confirm.
she grabs two bottled waters and heads out the front door this time, and down the staircase; me right behind her.
we head through a small wooden build path and onto the warm sand. it didn't burn, just a light tickle of heat on our toes.
we head further down towards the water, sitting where the water might come up during high tide.
"i always wished we had a beach house down here." she sighs, beginning our conversation.
"was the one in watch hill not enough?" i turn to her, joking around.
"sofia talks, wow." she responds, noting that sofia was the one who told me where her beach house was.
"what happened? with you and her. she talks about it like you orphaned her." i question, hopefully not breaking a boundary.
"she said you guys were best friends. like closer than ever before. then you just..." i search for a continuation.
"forgot you were friends or something?" i finish my train of thought.
"we were. best friends." claire trailed on.
i'm almost mad at this point, despite letting her drive me here. it's just seems so odd.
"so why would you hurt her?" i interrogate.
"because i loved her!" claire blurts out, leaving me shocked.
i look around, trying to put more puzzle pieces together.
"you loved her?" i quietly say.
i see claire bite the inside of her cheek, most likely eating her words.
"i did. i really, really did." she answers.
"so if you loved her, so much. why would you do that to her?" i ask.
"i like, love loved her. and i didn't want to confront my feelings. so, when 'the blooms' summer party rolled around, i cleared out my family from the house and threw my own. one that didn't involve sofia." she responds.
"you hid from your feelings by losing your best friend?" i question, but it comes out more like a statement.
"i didn't exactly know the logic, just hoped something would happen. and it did. i lost her."
"i've lost someone i loved too." i say, touching her faint hand.
"i did the same thing. made a huge mistake and...it ended in me losing them." i continue.
"so is that why you moved?" she questions.
"i move; a lot. for numerous reasons. parents fought one too many times, some rumors. but, yeah. that's why i left the last time." i tell her.
"i didn't mean to lose them." i say, tears building up at the memories.
i breathe in.
"we stole a car." i begin.
"well first we ditched school, and went to a club, seduced a guy at the bar, stole his keys, and—" i almost croak out my last word.
"there was a mint drink; at the club. i drank it, and then drove the car right after." i look up into the blue array for comfort.
"i started reacting a few minutes into the drive. i wasn't driving very well, i barely even had a permit. and i was drunk, it was the worst of situations. they were in the back seat, leaning up with no seat belt. i hit something, then someone woke me up. the back seat was empty." i tear up.
"are they okay?" claire asks, concerned.
my eyes trail back down to the sand.
"that's the thing." i pause.
"i don't know. the day after my parents locked me in my room and i was sent off to boston on the next flight." i conclude.
"oh." claire says, her voice breaking.
"i try to forget, sometimes. but it just keeps coming back, how bad i messed up."
"and the worst part is that i never actually got to love her. jules." i say, revealing her name.
i feel claire's hand touch mine once again, this time hearing her say:
"you can love again. you will." she assures.
i break our moment by laying back onto the sand, pressing my vision towards the sky.
beach house for a better visualization:
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