left myself at home

chapter eighteen: family day

NOTE: EDIT OF THIS CHAPTER ON MY TIKTOK @GRACEFULLYFUCKED!

THE DAY HAS ARRIVED: family day.

i knew my mom and dad probably aren't even aware, so i've already made the decision of what i was going to do.

"ready to get some retail therapy?" i ask claire while i walk up to her car that laid in the back of the student parking lot. it's november now, and the massachusetts forecast put me in an oversized zip up with a long sleeve top underneath.

"coffee first, though." she says.

"of course!" i have no choice but to agree.

we're obnoxiously laughing on the car ride to boston, finding parking in front of a dunkin; actually the first one to ever exist fun fact!

we walk in and grab my iced coffee with caramel and claire's cold brew, then head around to newbury street to shop.

"hey did you see this?" claire says to me as we finally head out of ZARA.

"hmm?" she shows me her phone with an article pulled up called ST. JOHNS SCHOOL FOR BOY'S STUDENT OUTED AS GAY, RESULTING IN OUTCASTING AND HARASSMENT.

"wait what? that's horrible oh my gosh." i say just from the article title.
"and the way the article is just making it more known and outing him more is so inappropriate." i add on.

"i knew him, the boy. miles, is his name. i went to the sister school for that place, well in middle school. and i knew miles and his boyfriend, tyler." claire explains, making me realize why she showed it to me.

"so why is the article about miles and not miles snd tyler?" i question.

"well from what i know miles was like—super popular. he was in a good place on the football team, going to parties i would guess, you know that shit. and then he was outcasted. it was pretty much hate crimes, but the article doesn't want to say it. i haven't talked to him really, but i hope he's doing okay." claire tells me.

i'm like 40 minutes from mills reads on top of claire's phone coming from the contact 'miles'. she shoos the text away quickly, and i don't discuss it later with her.

we walk in silence for a bit, up until we find another store to shop in. i like the ones with open dressing rooms because we can try on fun things. that relieves the weird tension that just happened.

she lied, kinda. right? she said she hasn't talked to him, implying they were never close. then he texts her about where he is? i don't really get it, but it's just weird.

and i love not being afraid to be with claire. everyone's pretty much at the school, along with their parents. so it rules out all possibilities for anyone to see us. and even if they do, i feel less compelled to hide us so eagerly. after that whole kyle thing, i'm starting to see how much claire truly means to me.

and about that kyle thing, we haven't really discussed it since it happened. maybe it's for the better, it'll probably come up at some point. but until then, we're just trying on clothes in dressing rooms.

"is this cute yes or no?" claire says walking out with a pink slip dress in silk.

"objectively yeah, but also i think anything you wear is gonna look..." i purposefully let the sentence stop.

"oh my god stop" claire laughs.
"i think it would look better on you." she says, going back into the dressing room and then pulling me in. she exits and leaves the dress on the bench. i begin to take off my clothes, complying with claire's request, and put on the dress.

ZZZZZZZZT!

the bench vibrates, and i see claire's phone light up. her phone screen reads a text from miles dugray, specifically saying glad we could talk again, but yea i
would just be careful.

why are—what are—how is—huh?

"val is everything—" claire walks into the room, seeing my staring directly at her phone.

"we need to talk." i say.

"you said you weren't close with miles." i finally day after the silence that filled the last ten minutes. we're now outside, and the crispness of the air occupied our thoughts. until now.

"yeah, i know." claire says as we continue walking.

"why did you lie? why did you pretend you weren't close with miles?" i ask.

she takes a long sigh before saying:

"he was my first boyfriend. pretty much all of middle school, and part of highschool. except no one knew..." she trails on her words.

"knew what?" i question.

"it wasn't real." she whispers. her lips sticking together at the final of her words.

"we both always knew, just kinda made a deal. i never wanted to say anything, and i never did. i thought saying i was never close with him would somehow—make me forget?" she ends her words like a question.

"forget...?" i'm still a bit lost.

"who i am. i wanted to forget. after what i saw with miles' whole world, it being destroyed, i need time." she says.

"time?" my questions lead on and on.

"you were right. maybe i want to hide." she almost whispers again.

oh.

"okay." is all i say. and we continue our day.

it's a little quieter now. but we're okay. right?

i don't know, i thought i wanted time to 'hide' too. but it seems as though while i was coming around to being more public, she went the opposite way back into where i was.

i'm still smiling with her though. i love catching myself in the mirror, or on car reflections. and i see how radiant i am with her. how she captures me; and i love it.

by the time we're heading out of boston, we're all good. softly singing all the lyrics to any phoebe bridgers song as we get on the highway back to mills.

once we make it we grab our shopping bags and head into the school. there's so many cars in the parking lot, so i let claire get to her dorm while i stay behind and wait a few minutes in the parking lot.

after about five minutes i walk inside and to my dorm. but outside of sofia's i spot her talking to someone, as if someone's inside her dorm. maybe it's her parents!

i walk up to sofia and go to greet her parents, but they seem a little too familiar. actually—it's my parents.

"val! glad you made it. oh—you're parents lost the whole day while you were out. you must've had the best time though, all those shopping bags." sofia says, except with some knowledgeable smirk.

"oh—uh yeah i—"

"i was asking your parents, how your lunch date was a few weeks ago? except, they never went on a lunch date." sofia continues. i instantly bite the inside of my cheek.

"oh and was that claire with some shopping bags? did you happen to run into her? and if not today, what about earlier. PSATS aren't really her thing either." my jaw drops.

she knows.