left myself at home

chapter eleven: in hiding

THE DAY CONTINUED with claire buying us lunch at a boston cafe. we drank more iced coffees—which my lactose intolerancy was starting to deny, but i still felt fine. maybe because of claire.

"so what's it like being the new girl everywhere you go? i cant even imagine that." claire asks as we sit inside the warm lunch spot.

"oh you cant fathom people not knowing who you are everywhere you go?" i poke at her, jokingly.

"okay i'm not famous no need to go overboard, my dad just likes to get his opinions out there." she laughs back.

"well sometimes it's weird, sometimes fun, sometimes sad; not most though, and just overall i wouldn't recommend it." i answer in a more genuine tone.

"what was your best life." claire leans in asking, but it sounds more like a statement.

"i think you know the answer to that one." i say, closing my awkward amount of space and leaning into her as well.

"no but seriously, have you ever like; pretended you were somebody else?" she questions.

"i mean one time in belgium i had a fake british accent i guess." i laugh, almost choking on my water.

"it didn't work out the best though because i was put in an international student program there, with actual british students...so my tom holland impression didn't last more than a week out of embarrassment." i finished my sentence.

"that's amazing, really." claire jokes.

"have you ever pretended?" i ask.

"to be someone else?" i continued.

i can see her think; her mind functioning. i asked a pretty deep question.

"well, yeah." she says, pausing before.

i don't need to hear any more of her words to
understand what was she meant.

our lunch was great, i demanded to pay since she already paid for everything else today.

as we walked around the streets, i noticed a blonde head that i recognized as the streets were clearer; lila.

an alleyway appeared to the left of us as we walked, so i yanked claire's hand down a small staircase.

"what are you doing?" claire laughed as i pushed us into the empty alley, but she was cut off by my lips colliding with hers.

and that was the first time we ever hid who we were.

when we finally got back to mills, it was 5:49. just in time for dinner. i made my way to the cafeteria where i found the usual kris, sofia, lexi, and adhira.

"hey guys how was exams?" i say with a smile as i sit.

"oh where were you?" sofia asks, instantly making me question myself.

"uhm..." i pause, trying to evaluate the situation.

i could tell the truth, that i was out with my best friends ex-best friend, and that we got a little closer. a little very closer, like closing inches closer. or i could leave that part out. or i could lie, yeah i'll lie.

"my parents visited, took me out to lunch."

"for the whole day, damn that's nice of them." kris jokes.

"yup." i confirm, though not so surely.

"oh hey everyone." lila says as she walks to us, sitting down at the table.

"miss me today?" she jokes.

"where were you?" lexi asks lila.

"my parents." she smiles.

"so did everyone just have a family reunion i missed?" kris says.

i uncomfortably laugh, feeling bad that i lied.

but they'll never know. at least not now.

claire and i are pretty interactive. despite not having any classes together except for gym, we end up seeing each other whenever we can. in free periods, bathroom breaks, morning showers, we make time.

"excuse me." a girl says as she walks past me in the locker room, heading out of the shower area.

i pretended that my shower water wasn't getting warm so i'd have an excuse to use the locker rooms showers. claire pretended to get some extra field hockey practice at 7 AM.

the girl exits out of the locker area and i wait to hear the door close.

it shuts.

i peek my head out, gripping the towel covering my body. i'm suddenly met by claire coming towards me, no hesitation as she pushes me into the shower. the warm water runs through my body as the towel seemed to naturally hang over the wall, claire's following it as she pushes me against the wall.

the water rushes past our colliding lips and bare bodies. she moves my damp hair past my shoulders to get full access to my figure, not hesitating once again.

it's kinda fun, having a secret. i like going to majesties and pretending we don't recognize each other when the lights flash in and out.

she was my secret, and i was hers. yet somehow, it was just enough. i didn't need anything more.

but she did.