left myself at home

chapter twelve: so close yet so far

AS I SAID BEFORE, gym was the only class i had with claire. i mostly partnered up with kris, and just normally participated in class activities.

"all right, we've all gotten pretty used to having the same groups so i thought i'd get us more comfortable with one another—even though we're nearing the end of the month..." the gym teacher leads on.

"i make some groups and then we'll go on from there. let's start with two other people that you aren't familiar with!" he says, enunciating the last four words.

i see claire's head instantly turn towards mine, so i figured why not? it's not like anyone knew how close we've been.

"hey you mind joining me?" claire says, plastering a smirk across her flawless face.

"why of course!" i sarcastically say to her. i'm glad we can talk in public without it being questioned.

we walk to the bleachers when we're stopped by the teacher assigning the task.

"just try to talk; figure out something interesting like would you rather or two truths and a lie, i don't really care." coach says.

we continue to walk when we're suddenly stopped again. 

"can i join you two?" someone says behind us, revealing a girl i recognize as riley, a girl who sofia was lab partners with in science.

"uhm—sure." claire answers.

now we can finally continue to the bleachers, the three of us. we sit with claire and i on one bleacher, riley on the one right above.

"soooo now what?" riley awkwardly asks, breaking the silence.

"does anyone have a favorite color?" claire says to ease the silence.

"i like pink" i announce.

"pink is cute, but i'm more red." riley follows up.

"ooo i like red too." claire agrees with riley, almost making me jealous for some reason.

"favorite singers?" i blurt, trying to change the subject.

"mitski maybe? lorde or something too." riley answers.

"i'm taylor swift." i proudly say.

"oh wow me too!" claire jokes, acting as if i didn't know that already.

"see we already found two things in common." riley says.

"well only with me, you guys need something." claire points out.

i sit blank-faced, bored. i was only interested in talking to claire, not riley.

"what's your favorite class?" riley asks.

"i don't know...?—"

"favorite season?" she cuts me off.

"fall." i answer, knowing my face is giving a nasty look i can't control.

"me too!" she exclaims, but not super enthusiastically, though i don't think she sensed my tone which i'm thankful for.

"what about show?" she leads on.

"american horror story?" i say it almost like a question.

"same." she has a smile on her face for some reason, annoying me.

"snapchat or instagram?" she interrogates.

"instagram i guess?"

"horror movie?"

"i know what you did last summer—"

"teacher?"

"none..?"

"least favorite teacher?"

"somana."

her questions finally came to a halt, with my final answer being my english teacher; the one who always makes us write meaningless shit.

"i agree with every single one." riley says proudly.

i fake laugh and turn to claire, who seems to be having the time of her life. the coach calls us down from the bleachers and tells us about a sudden assembly, which ends with the whole junior class crammed in the cafeteria.

i quickly found a sofia and her table and joined them, seems that the rest of the group found the cafeteria easier to navigate than i did.

it takes a while for any teacher to grab our attention, so we sit for a few minutes waiting for the next directions.

i catch an eye from a table not too far from mine, but not too close. claire smiles at me, as if it's humorous that i'm sitting with her ex best friend. or rather, my current best friend, who she obviously has history with. she nods her head to the side, signaling for me to leave, presumably to the bathroom.

"am i imagining things or does claire blooms keep looking at our table?" sofia whispers to me, snapping me out of my trance.

"hmmm? oh, i don't know, i wasn't paying much attention." i laugh and cover up my fib with uncomfortable snark.

"wait i think she's looking at you?" she realizes.

"oh no, i've never even talked to her."

lies. lies! i'm lying. and i'm bad at it.

"yeah but—if you want me to go put her in her place i will."

i may be bad at lying about claire, but sofia definitely isn't good at figuring out the truth.

"no." i strictly say.

"that's not necessary." i laugh off, hoping my defensiveness didn't give anything away.

"okay..." sofia can definitely sense something.

the assembly starts with an introduction to family day, and somewhere in the middle i turn to see claire's blank expression, though it's leaning more towards longing as she stares into space. i'm aching to get up.

oh how far apart are we?