left myself at home

chapter fourteen: sofia vs. claire

"HOW MUCH LONGER are we gonna do this?" claire asks as we drive in the dark.

"do what?" i ask, trying to gain context. we're on a one-way road, somewhere on a mountain i presume. no cars have been seen for the past 20 minutes.

"this." claire says as she parks the car, though i don't even know where we are. she faces to me in the car, and i understand what she means just by her words.

i bite the inside of my cheek, knowing that i can't hide myself forever.

"kyle knows. i'm not hiding anything from him."

"you told him?" claire jerks toward my face, looking almost angry.

"no!" i defend.
"i never told him anything just—" i search for an explanation on what he saw.
"you called me while i was with him. and he saw. and it probably didn't help that two seconds prior i told him i was lesbian. i don't think it wasn't very hard to put the puzzle pieces together." i explain.

she looks at me, saying oh, all her anger has now evaporated and her sharp features only remain. i feel her cool breath shrink down into the car and order has been restored.

"family day is on monday." claire suddenly says.
"yeah, i know."
"are your parents coming?" she asks, making me think about it.
"i don't really know" i awkwardly laugh to cover that i think they won't show up.
"i don't think my dads gonna come. he never does." she answers, staring out the front window.

her longing face breathes in and out.

"he—i don't even know what it is with him." she expresses.
"it's like, i text him sometimes and he seems happy, and loving. but once i see him, the rare times that i do, he's just—there." she doesn't exactly seem sad, just lost.

i press my hand onto hers, something i do a lot, and look directly at her.

"well if cal blooms isn't showing up neither am i." i joke.
"i doubt my parents have even considered coming, so maybe we could just spend the day together."
i propose in hopes to cheer her up.

"daylight hours with valeria rose?" she laughs back. i love the emphasis she puts onto my full name. the er is light and something that reminds me of who i used to be.

"you know i don't like people using my full name" i lightheartedly say, not in all seriousness.

"then i must be extra special; upmost importance to you." she smiles with her bright white teeth shining through.

BEEEEP. BEEEEP.

claire's phone vibrates from the car seat and she picks it up, answering a call.

"hello?"
"well it's tomorrow so..."
"i mean i'll do whatever."
"wait is it late or early?"
"9?"
"okay, got it. bye"

claire's dialogue from her phone call doesnt giveaway who she was calling, or what it was about.

"who was that...?" i ask her.

"savannah." she answers, a bit annoyed from the call.

"is something wrong?" i ask, concerned.

"no, she's just asking about my party."

"party..."

"birthday party, for my birthday tomorrow."

i gasp, excited but then realize that i never bothered to ask her when her birthday was in the first place.

"and you didn't tell me?" i say still in my excited phase.

"i don't really like my birthday." she mumbles.

"okay well then i'll make it even better." i confirm. i'm trying my best to lift her spirits and i think she's giving in by the looks of her smile.

"it's gonna be at majesties—by the way. sav rented the whole thing out." she explains.

"closed invite i presume." i sigh.

"i could just invite the whole junior class." claire proposes, turning towards me with that big smile of hers.
"that way you can easily come."

"yeah but then it'd be easier for sofia to come." i tell her.

sofia. my best friend; the person you are supposed to tell all your secrets to, except i leave my biggest one out. i think back to all the moments through these past two months where she's actually cared for me.

one night at majesty's i was so drunk, but once she found me she took me to the staff bathroom and held back my hair the whole time.

and when we did a scream marathon last week she always covered up all the times there was blood on the screen because she knows it grosses me out.

but then i also remember the bad times with sofia, like a few weeks ago when i was in the bathroom with her. claire came in and stopped right in front of us, taken back by the terrible timing.

"is there a problem?" sofia asked to claire.

"don't be so defensive." claire answered as she was annoyed by sofia's hostility.

"okay why don't we break this up." i tried to lighten the mood and move sofia back from claire. claire walked towards the stall and then sofia turned to me and whispered, "why are you suddenly defending her, don't you know she's a bitch."

"oh yeah i know, just didn't want things to get ugly." i laugh off.

all i hear from her next is a mmm as we exit the bathroom.

then i remember the day before the big english check in where everyone was in the library after school. my friends made sure to get there early to grab a table, but not everyone had the same plans that i did.

as kids filed into the library, all tables were full. then another group walked into the library; i think you can guess who.

"do you guys mind moving somewhere else? i think your times about up." savannah says to our table, raquelle and claire behind her.

"uh we're sitting here." lexi strongly states as she stands our ground. i look over to claire and the situations pretty awkward.

"we were just thinking—it would be nice if everyone took turns." claire tried to say softly.

"you sure know about taking turns." sofia mumbles, but with full intent of her hearing. her fire at claire's turn of friendships drew my eyes back to her, almost mad but couldn't reveal myself.

"sofia you—" i stop myself.
"shouldn't..." i trail off, giving up on it.

she looks back to me confused, obviously.

"whatever." savannah says as she steers the group away from us.

i watch claire's midnight brown hair and matching eyes turn away, her making eye contact to me with a slight smile as she leaves.

i turn back to see sofia staring dead at me, still confused. i'm mentally praying she's not as smart as i think. but nothing could stop me from loving claire.

"but someway, i will be there." i continue the present conversation, promising to claire i will be at her party.

now i just need to figure out how to get there.