left myself at home

chapter thirty: no going back

I CLOSE THE DOOR TO MY ROOM and shut myself inside. what i don't realize is that i'll spend the whole weekend in there. not even crying, just lost. whatever ended up happening between riley and claire is what i pretend to be the least of my worries. but i just hope claire didn't betray me like i thought she would.

on sunday afternoon, i hear a knock from the bathroom door and sofia slides her head in.

"hey are you okay? i haven't seen you at any of the meal times." she innocently asks while i lay on my bed. i turn my head and try to think of a response.

"i'm okay." i force my head back to look straight ahead of me as i quietly respond. i cant face the truth, that i'm not okay at all. that even after two days without this girl i have nowhere to go. i cant run away again, so i just hide.

i wonder what's taken place while i've been rotting in my room. i wonder if riley and claire ever finished their business, or if they haven't spoke at all. all i can do is wonder in that room until some force pulls me to act.

finally, monday morning comes and i'm obligated to leave the room.

i walk to first period chem, and struggle to focus while we take notes on some formulas. the last time i was out of my room it was a threatening thunderstorm, but now it's simply rigid but sunny.

my latin class includes lexi, who doesn't care enough to look my way. i'm pretty friendless now. i'm civil, but friendless.

i finish government and now i'm at algebra. i see kyle from across the room and he gives me a small smile. there we go—another sign of civility. but i truly have no one right now. after english i walk into the lunch room and spot the table of people. i also look at claire's usual table, and notice her absence. i do see riley though, in the back corner. fuck this.

i start to walk out of the cafeteria and start to walk outside. i know it's cold out but it's also somewhat sunny, so i let my flare leggings and sweater protect me.

i hear the shut of the door to the outside open after i'm about 8 feet away. then i hear her.

"valeria! wait!" except it's not the her i actually want. i roll my eyes before turning around and seeing riley stand there.

"what do you want?" it's a question, but my monotone voice says it like a statement.

"to explain." she answers.

"to explain?" i can't help but laugh at.
"not apologize? apologize for thirsting after my girlfriend then waiting to get her alone?" it's hostile, but i've been holding this back for a while.
"i mean what the fuck riley?" i finally express.
"i never really liked you, you know, but i put up with it because i knew claire did. and it wasn't until you two tried to kiss each other that i snapped, so i'd say that record is pretty solid." i'm a good 4 feet away from her to avoid bitchslapping her. i'm not a violent person, but hey. it's not a bitchslap unless the other persons a bitch.

"okay, i know, i did some bad things. but don't blame claire, she had nothing to do with it—i made the move. but i'm just trying to gage what's happening here, i haven't seen her since." she says back.

"hey can you like—not defend claire? that's kinda my job here." i impulsively say. i see her scoff, and that's a sign of her breaking.

"okay and what else is your job? making people uncomfortable and harming every girlfriend you've ever had? shit spreads, you know. crashing the car that paralyzed one girlfriend probably shouldn't be repeated." oh no fucking way.

"you bitch—"
"hey!" kris calls out from the door. i see him standing in the doorway, sofia, lexi, and adhira right behind. this is just embarrassing, but i'm thankful someone stopped me.

i spit out a quick "fuck you." before booting back inside in frustration. the worst part is, i don't even know where the fuck claire is. but luckily, that also may be the best. if she ever saw that interaction, i don't know how much worse this could get.

//////////////////////
author speaks!
SO SORRY for inactivity, had some exams and not a lot of inspo but i'm backkkkk
and also thank u for so much support ahhhh! cant wait for summer to be more active

and give me ur opinions on anything and everything! this shit isn't even over yet☕️