left myself at home

chapter thirty two: grandma blooms

I'M UNSURE where to start, but since she wasn't in lunch the next best thing i can do is look in her dorm.

i walk over to her wing and knock in the door. it's locked, so i knock again and it's no answer. there's no peep hole, so there's no way she's ignoring me.

i check the library next, and specifically the back corner room. i'm reminiscent on our past conversations in there, and how different we both used to be. or rather, how different i thought claire was. and how i was until she changed me.

no claire in the library though. i haven't seen her since friday night, so i wonder if she just recently didn't show up to any other classes. i walk out towards the lobby when i'm approached by someone.

"hey." its kyle.

i wonder how different things could have been if i just dated kyle instead of claire. if i sacrificed my sexuality, my identity, and my attraction all for acceptance. i'm kinda grateful i didn't though.

"hi." i answer back.

"i thought it was pretty brave of you, getting up there like that." he compliments, and im surprised.

this is the same kyle that not even a month ago practically told me i was insane for loving claire, and i didn't care. and i still don't.

"you're not gonna yell at me for following my heart, not gonna call me an idiot?" i question. it's not angry, i'm just conflicted by kyle's recent kindness now that i've been shunned out of the social group.

"i wasn't sure claire was the right fit for you. not that i am—" he defensively says.
"i watched everything go down between claire and sofia, and up until the end, i realized i picked the wrong side. i wanted you to be on the right side before you realized too late." he concludes.

"okay, well thank you, i guess. but now i don't even know where claire is." i say to him as we stand in the hallway.

"oh, people haven't seen her since like...friday...?"kyle states, which makes me even more worried.
"yeah that thunderstorm weather must have been bad to blow through." oh no.

"but you don't know where she went?" i ask him, begging for any intel on her location. 

i wonder if she saw that video, and knows that everyone here knows. i hope she's not hiding because she thinks i'd out her, but then again she may not be hiding at all. i just know i need to find her.

"uh, nope. i don't." he says. suddenly i see movement down the hall and see savannah miller-hoffman, one of claire's best friends.

which is also kinda weird, because i wonder how much they know about claire—the real claire.

"savannah, hey!" i call down to bring her closer to me. i walk up to her to speed up the process. she gives me an odd look.

"what do you want?" she says to me, attitude slurring out of every short word.

"i know that i don't really know you..."

"you know claire, i presume?" the attitude of this girl holy fuck.

"okay, look savannah, i'm not trying to be difficult or start anything with you, but i need to know where claire is. and i get i shook up the scene a little bit but just believe me when i say it's extremely necessary that i sort thing out; for everyone. and that starts with me talking to claire." i explain to her. i'm not irritated, i simply just want to be with her one last time at least.

"i mean, she hasn't been answering any texts, but she snapped me like a pic in front of the beach, but that's it."

the beach, that's it!