Within the walls

58

Nyx's pov

A few days later I was visiting Sasha's grave with Connie. Marco was also buried here so we'd definitely visit him too.

"I'm so sorry about Sasha, it's my fault, all of this is." I said as placed a bouquet of zinnias on her grave.

"You taking the blame doesn't make anyone else less guilty." Connie said.

"I helped train Gabi, I helped brainwash her, helped her with her aim and motivated her, I put her in the position to kill Sasha. I thought I was helping her, setting her up for a good life in Marley, giving her the advantage. Instead I just screwed her up beyond repair." I said. "I planned the attacks on the walls, half of these graves are probably my fault somehow. In short, I take the blame because I am the one at fault."

"Sasha never blamed you for anything you know, even when it was confirmed you were the leader. She said she just knew that you were an unwilling participant because you weren't the type of person that would want to cause harm. I want to believe that too, that's why I'm not holding you accountable no matter what you say." Connie said. "Don't prove Sasha wrong, be the person she died knowing that you are."

"Don't worry, I will be. For however long I've got left I want to be the person I prenteded to be because that Nyx is the best version of myself." I said. "Can we go see Marco now? I've missed him."

"Sure." Connie said.

I watched the rows of names as I hunted for Marco's grave. Four more years worth of people had been added to the plot. I wondered how many of them died because of me.

When I reached his grave I ran a hand over his name. I places down a bouquet of pink carnations with bits of willow branches mixed in.

'Hey Marco, I'm sorry for everything I did to you but I truly did love you. I promise I'll be a better person now and make sure Jean Is okay. I understand that I'm a terrible person, I know that I can't be forgiven, I'm not trying to be, I just want to make this cruel world a little better.' I thought.

"Jean kind of let this place fall apart but Sasha and I cleaned it all up. We brought him tulips, I don't know if they have a special meaning but Sasha liked the smell. Armin said you know about Flowers." Connie said.

"What colour were the tulips?" I asked.

"Usually yellow." Connie said.

"That means a sunshine filled smile, that suits Marco. The pink carnations mean to never forget someone and the willow branches symbolise grief and immortality." I explained. "The Zinnias on Sasha's grave mean to think of an absent friend. I thought they were fitting."

"Yeah, they are." Connie said.

We stood in silence for a few more minutes before the sound of hooves filled the air.

"Connie, Nyx, Hanji needs us to meet her at the restaurant Niccolo works at." Armin said from atop his horse, a second horse trailing behind his. "Nyx you can ride with me."

The suddenness of the order confused me but I followed none the less. I hoisted myself up onto Armin's horse and wrapped my arms around his waist. Whatever was happening had to be important if Hanji was requesting that I come along.