'Till Time Runs Out

Chapter 18: Tell Him I'm Sorry

Alright my loves here is another one for you!

-Darcy's POV-

They say it's up to you. That your fate lies in your hands. That the minute you decide you dont want to fight any more is the minute that it ends. You see I have been fighting this concept for years. If I control my fate why cant I get better? Why cant I be normal. But say it is true. Say that I do stop fighting. Will this be over, will my life end. If it is a mental decision then does all it take is just my brain saying I give up. Because I dont see the point in fighting anymore. What was I fighting for. A few more years, a few more years to what live my life. What kind of life is that, if your living life with a definite ending than what kind of life is that. Sure everyone has a definite ending but usually they get to live till they're all old and have to use a cane to get around. But it's different for me because I wont make it past 20. I wasn't even suppose to make it to my teen years. So yeah maybe there is the chance that I make it to above 20 but what then, death is coming for me, the possibility is everyday, every second I could just drop. So what am I going to have kids? Get married? Have a life? All that knowing that any moment I could leave that all behind.. I just dont see the point in fighting anymore. Was I fighting for Matthew? Like some how he could take away all my problems that because I was with him suddenly I was going to get my life back? Was I fighting for Emily? Like her love and outgoing strength could radiate onto me and keep me alive? Was I fighting for my parents? Like their support would hold me up. What was I fighting for? There was nothing. 

So I tried it. I tempted the mythical switch in my brain that controlled my fighting ability. I flicked the switch, and just like that everything changed. I remember I was sat on the couch Mum cooking pancakes making an extra special breakfast for some reason, Emily dancing around singing whatever pop song she was singing and me pondering life or death.  Then I per say flicked the switch and my lungs began filling up, the air was being sucked from me. My lungs were getting filled up with liquids. It felt as if I was drowning and there was nothing to do about it. I lay on the couch gasping for air. My sister screaming my mum crying while dialing I assume 911. Utter havock breaking out amongst the 2 people infront of me, my eyes began to blurry and my mum grabbed onto my hand telling me to hold on. 

"Tell him it was natural causes.. tell him there was nothing any one could have done.. tell him i'm sorry" I say inbetween my gasps for air. 

"Darcy no" she sobs. Black dots appeared in my vision and air was hardly getting to my lungs. This was the end. I was not afraid. I was content. I lived to the best of my ability and with that I was knocked out or dead.. I'm not sure. The last thing I remember was screaming and crying and more screaming. 

-Cassie's POV-

As her beautiful green eyes shut I couldn't stop the tears. My baby girl, was giving up. I couldn't lose her. We couldn't lose her. I began CPR as soon as she stopped breathing. Trying my hardest to keep her alive. The paramedics seemed to take forever to get to our house. But once they did arive they took over bringing her into an ambulance. Fighting so hard to bring her back. As I sat in the ambulance completely tuned out from the world holding Emily. I was in shock. That's an accurate explanation. I couldn't think, I couldn't move. Nothing was making sense. We get to the hospital and they rush her out of my sight. Now her life lays in their hands. A nurse brought us into a private room. For a few moments I just sat there. Still trying to process. Harry was on his plane right now. I couldn't call him. I left him a voicemail explaining briefly what had happened and that he needed to come to the hospital as soon as he landed. I then began calling, immediate family and then our friends. As I sat there all cried out thinking I had called everyone I stare at my phone. Debating whether to call Matthew. This was his fault. Only one feeling came to mind when I thought of him. Anger. But after a few minutes I realised it's not his fault. He didn't know and had he known he would have never left her. I dial the number prepared to explain this to him and I think back to what Darcy said.

"Tell him it was natural causes.. tell him there was nothing any one could have done.. tell him i'm sorry"

That plays through my mind on repeat and I can only think of the person it was meant for which was Matthew. He answers and I take a deep breath. 

-Matthew's POV-

Cassie's name appears on my phone screen and I freak out. She only calls for emergencys and I assume she knows about what happened with Darcy and I so why is she calling.

"Hello?" I say.

"Matthew.." she begins. "Darcy.. Darcy is dying.. Or she may be already dead" she sobs. "Her lungs filled up with fluids shes in the hospital now.. It doesn't look like she is going to make it" she cries. I am lost for words. 

"You are joking me.. This is some sick sick joke" I say. "Please tell me you are joking" I beg. I can feel the tears beginning to fall down my face. This can not be happening. She was fine. She was fine!! She cant be dying! She cant be dead!! "I'll be there in 5 minutes" it was more like a 30 minute drive. 

"Matthew no. I'm calling a cab. Do not drive here, you will only get yourself hurt. Promise me you wont drive here!" she screams into the phone. 

-Cassie's POV-

"Matthew no. I'm calling a cab. Do not drive here, you will only get yourself hurt. Promise me you wont drive here!" I scream into the phone but there is no reply he is already gone. Oh God please be safe. The drive is 30 minutes away and he said he would be here in 5. If he drives that fast he is bound to get hurt. Within 10 minutes he is running through the door when he sees me he runs straight to me into my arms crying his heart out. 

"This is not happening. This is not happening" he cries. "She is going to be ok" he says trying to convince himself. Anyone with eyes could see how much love they had for each other and everyone knew it was just the best friend love. They loved each other. I take him into the room and Emily gets up to hug him. He takes her into his arms and holds her as they cry together. He may not be Darcy's big brother but he was Emily's she would always see him as a big brother and he will always be my son. Hours had passed and still no updates no anything. Harry had called me as soon as he landed freaking out saying he'd be here as soon as he could. I was waiting in the waiting room for him. I just needed to be in his arms. He was the only one who could keep me together. And when he walked through the doors looking as disasterous as I did I ran to him and jumped into his arms balling into his shoulder, he carried me to the room and held me as I cried and cried for hours on end. 

-Matthew's POV-

I wish I hadn't have been so stubborn. I wish I hadn't have been so stupid. I was just lying to myself. As Darcy was telling me she had feelings for me and couldn't live without me I was fighting myself so hard to keep saying no. Even though all allong she was the only person I needed and now she might not come back. I may never hold her in my arms again, I may never be able to see her smile, or hear her laugh, or kiss her lips. Or just listen to her for hours upon hours. Because I could. I could just be with her for eternity and never get bored, I would never be unhappy. I would never have to worry about anything because she would be there to keep my two feet on the ground. Without her I cant walk straight, without her i'd fall down and not be able to get back up, she keeps me balanced, she keeps me sane, she is the reason I am me. For so long I had been afraid to admit that what I was feeling was anything more than how a best friend feels about their best friend. That I was so deep inlove with her that I cant live without her. I'm forgetting how to breathe, my hearts weak. I can't do this. 

-Cassie's POV-

In the parenting book I got when I was just 16, it never says how to deal with the loss of a child. It never says how you are suppose to continue living after you lose a child and even now. If you lose a child sure there are books, films, you name it. It's there. But they are not accurate they do not tell you how to rebuild your heart after it has been shattered they do not tell you why children have to die. They do not tell you have to survive. So I dont know how to survive. I do not know how to survive.

-Everyone's POV-

"I have an update on Darcy" the doctor says. 

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Brutal cliff hanger! I hope you have enjoyed my updates! Have a good night, day, afternoon.

-Hannah(: