Loki Misses the Asgardian Prison System

Chapter 15

Steve would like it to be known, for the record, that he does not like Loki. He would even go as far as to say that he hates Loki. He's been nothing but trouble since the moment he appeared on this planet, and even the sight of him lying half-dead in a bathtub won't make him forget it.

But Steve also doesn't like bullies, and right now, that's what the Avengers sound like to him.

For the most part, Steve was willing to let them do what they wanted. If they wanted to make fun of him behind his back? Fine. They wanted to mock him to his face? Whatever. But he does have to draw the line somewhere, and right now, that "somewhere" is eavesdropping on Loki and Thor's private conversation.

"Oh, come on," Tony whines. "Aren't you the least bit curious what they're talking about?"

"No," Steve lies. Of course he's curious. When he doesn't know something, his natural instinct is to find out. But not at someone else's expense.

"You're such a dad," Natasha says, rolling her eyes.

"Thor asked for privacy," Steve says firmly. "We're going to give that to him."

"Right," Clint says sarcastically. "This is about Thor, of course. It's definitely not about his little brother that you apparently love so much."

"It's about both of them," Steve says, though, admittedly, it is more about Loki, if only because he's sure Loki wants this conversation to be private more than Thor does. "I don't like Loki, either. But this is basic human decency."

Tony clicks his tongue. "Not human. Doesn't apply."

"Tony..."

Natasha and Clint both nod, muttering in quiet agreement.

"We are not going after them," Steve says. "That is final."

"Fine," Tony says. A smug smile appears on his face. "JARVIS, phone into Loki's room. Tell us what they're saying."

"— to them," Thor is saying patiently.

Steve is too shocked to even be mad. "You can do that?"

Tony spreads his arms. "Welcome to the 21st century, Cap."

"I'm not talking to them," Loki says, and it's clear in his tone that this is not the first time he's said that.

"Loki —"

"I'm not!" Loki insists.

"Anyone else have a sudden craving for popcorn?" Natasha asks.

"Depending on how long this goes on for," Tony says, "I might end up making some."

Steve crosses his arms. Do they really not see the problem? They don't see anything wrong with this?

"Why not?" Thor asks.

"Because it's embarrassing," Loki says.

Tony snorts. "Yeah, it is."

Steve shoots him a glare, which gets promptly ignored.

"How is it embarrassing?" Thor asks, sounding a little annoyed now.

"Do you mean beyond the fact that everyone now knows I've been lying naked in bed for the last three days because I was too hot and too weak to move?"

Clint and Natasha immediately look over at Tony, and the former says, "Was he really?" with way too much amusement on his face.

Tony nods. "Walked in to a whole ass-full of Loki."