Loki Misses the Asgardian Prison System

Chapter 162

Loki likes Christmas.

It's not so much about the presents or spending time with the Avengers and their friends – though he does enjoy listening to them tease each other relentlessly – so much as it's about the food. For the second time in a row, he spent much of his Christmas Eve making cookies, and, once they're done opening gifts, he'll get to eat his beloved cinnamon rolls that hardly ever make an appearance outside the holiday.

He has faith that it will be a fun present exchange, if only because he has Snowflake in his lap and the Barton kids across the circle from him, and they're perhaps the most entertaining beings in the building.

For a tally of all the people in the room – many more people than he would like there to be – there is: the original six Avengers, the Barton family, Pepper, Rhodey, Jane, Darcy, and the twins, making a grand total of 16 people, himself included (and baby not included because babies aren't people). It certainly makes him miss the days where it was just himself and the original six.

The Avengers did their "Secret Santa" thing again, not that Loki had any part in it because he never does. Dum-E still has the important job of giving the gifts out to whomever they're addressed to, though, after a stern speech from Tony about making sure he gives the gifts to whomever they're addressed to instead of bringing them all to Tony, the robot seems to be better prepared than he was the last time.

The first gift he pulls out is for Clint. The robot whirs his way over to him and drops the little box on the ground, then moves out of the way to let him open it.

Clint picks the box up and shakes it by his ear. It's a decently sized box; not necessarily the biggest, but certainly one of them. He holds it out in front of him, eyeing it quizzically.

"Open it!" Lila urges him.

Clint chuckles. "Alright, hang on." He puts the box down on the floor and tears the wrapping paper off with no care put into the process. When he sees what's inside, he drops his head forward in playful disappointment.

"What is it?" Cooper asks, craning his neck to see.

Clint holds up the box to show everybody. "It is a baby pee shield," he says, shaking his head to himself. "It is a shield to stop your baby from peeing on you when you're changing its diaper."

Loki bites back a laugh. For a moment, he thinks this is actually how humans change their babies' diapers, but the laughs that echo through the room assure him that that is (most likely) not the case.

"That is hilarious," Laura says.

"Man," Tony says with a smirk, "whoever got you that must be a genius. Being peed on by infants is a real problem in this day and age."

Clint gives him a look that very clearly reads really?

"What?' Tony shrugs, his smirk unwavering. "I'm just saying, you should thank your Secret Santa. I bet that's gonna come in handy with the new baby."

"I hate you," Clint tells him, though the smile he wears says otherwise.

"Yeah, but I bet you hate getting peed on more," Tony says teasingly.

Cooper nods approvingly, eyeing Clint's new gift. "That's smart," he decides.

"No, Cooper," Clint says, "it's not smart. It's unsmart. It's an unsmart gift from an unsmart man."

"Hey," Tony says. "It might not be from a man. Maybe Laura got it for you. Maybe she's trying to tell you something."

Clint rolls his eyes lightheartedly. "Uh-huh," he says sarcastically. "I'm sure that's it."