Loki Misses the Asgardian Prison System

Chapter 105

He can still feel those hands around his throat, suffocating him, choking the life from him.

He can still feel that burning in his chest, desperate for air that he can't find.

He can still hear that voice in his head, that snarl that sends shivers down his spine.

Do you know what you took from us?

You've ruined everything.

He thought he'd seen the last of the Other when they closed that portal.

He was wrong.

He's had a lot of nightmares over the last few years. He's seen the Other more times than he can count. But never has it felt as real as it did tonight. Never has he felt the effects so strong even after he woke.

This was different.

This was so, so much worse.

But what does he do? He can't tell anybody. Not after years of silence, of blocking out the truth even from his own mind. How could he possibly explain it now? What would he even gain from it? What good does it do for the world to know what he's seen?

But if he dies, if he's no longer here to explain what's happened...

Well, he'd like for somebody to know.

Just in case.

So Loki sits down cross-legged on his bed, gazing out at the all-too-familiar skyline through the window. He takes a deep breath. Here it goes.

"Heimdall," he says slowly. His voice is hoarse and it burns his throat to speak, but he keeps talking anyway. He has to. "This is probably unnecessary," he begins, and god, he hopes he's right about that, "but I just... I have to tell somebody. Because if I die... if he kills me..."

He sighs.

He can't do it.

He can't put it into words.

He can't pick and choose what's important enough to tell him. So much has happened. There's too much to tell, and, more than that, there's so much he can't bring himself to say aloud.

So, finally, he just says, "If I die, tell my mother that I love her and that I'm sorry."

And that's it.

Because what else is there to say? If this nightmare was more than a nightmare, and it really feels like it was, then there's nothing anybody can do to save him. The Other will have his way with him, and the most he can do is hope he's acting alone.

The door swings open, and Thor pushes his way into the room, Tony and Steve not far behind him. Loki grimaces and turns around to face them. This is going to be awful.

"Loki, are you okay?" Thor asks quickly.

Loki just nods. He doesn't trust himself to speak. He's already lying; he's not sure he can handle doing it out loud.

"Coughing up blood is not okay, actually," Tony says. "What's going on?"

Loki swallows hard, trying to gather all his courage before he speaks, but all it does is make his throat burn more. He can't help but grimace at the feeling.

"Loki, are you okay?" Thor asks again. "What's happening?"

Loki shakes his head, and finally, he answers, his voice barely a whisper, "I don't know."

"Are you hurt?" Thor asks. "Are you sick? I don't understand."

"Does this happen a lot?" Tony asks.

He shakes his head again. "Never."